A woman’s proposal

Roles and trends seem to be changing. Bizarre as it may seem and sound, lately women are audacious enough to hunt around expensive jewelry shops looking for that ring and seriously getting ready to pop the big question to their spouse. This is how it goes sometimes. She will buy a ring (of course not one with a diamond stone, unless she is gay) and will wear her most flattering dress, organize a candle lit dinner or even a surprise party on his birthday, get down on her knee and then propose marriage to her boyfriend. Yes, it seems weird but it happens and it’s losing its weirdness by the minute—that is if all this women emancipation that feminists have enthusiastically fought for is anything to go by. A woman proposing to a man is something almost unheard of in Rwanda and even though it is not a standard taboo in most African countries, you can rest assured that it is seriously frowned upon. However, we still have cases of women making the first move and asking guys to marry them. Strange as it might seem for us in Africa, it’s close to normal in the Western world. Proposing is frightening even for a man and yet it is a normal thing for them to do. For instance, they wonder, ‘what if she says no or what if she doesn’t like the ring or what if it doesn’t fit her or what if…’ the dilemmas are endless. Proposing is one of those nerve-wrecking moments that leave anyone with cold feet and butterflies in the tummy. You just don’t know what to expect but you do it anyway. How some women brave all that mental chaos, beats my understanding. Frankly, by the time, a woman gets to the point of proposing to a man for marriage, they are damn serious and know what they want, so to speak. Usually, they are certain of the answer and do not wish to waste any more time. Some men, also, take forever to propose and are comfortable with the status of their relationship hence feels no need to rush into marriage. Women, on the other hand, are a lovey-dovey lot and for them walking down the aisle as soon as they are sure he is the right man is simply the way to go. Therefore, if it means proposing to a man, then so be it. However, other women feel like they are belittling themselves by proposing to a man. While others feel it is a desperate move and will send out the wrong signal. Whereas roles have changed of late, I am still not sure whether its right for a woman to propose but everybody is entitled to their opinion on this matter. If you want to propose to him, be sure you can handle the results regardless of whether they are good or bad. m.kaitesi@yahoo.com