Dealing with Cross-generational relationships

I was out one night having fun with friends in a club when another friend of ours (with a heavier wallet) dropped in; he was the one we were waiting for to buy us more drinks before we changed the hjanging out spot. Mulisa (not real name) walked in with a woman whom he introduced to us as his latest catch. She looked very senior than he was. We observed a cross-generational relationship case right before our eyes. In plain English, cross-generational relationships are sexual affairs between women and men who have a significant difference in age. These relationships are rare, and, in most cases, taken disapprovingly. In Rwanda, it is more popular for men (also called sugar daddies) to date much younger girls, than it is for sugar mummies to date younger boys. Mulisa explains that the reason he fell in love with the older woman was that he did not have to spend on her, as she is independent. “Young girls are too materialistic. If it is not a car, they constantly pester you to buy so you can drop them wherever they want to go, they will demand for cash to visit all the posh places. But, my woman makes her own money and lives at her own place. Basically all I have to do is love her and be loved,” says Mulisa. He adds that older women are, “more devoted to relationships - unlike younger girls who are always looking out for a better man.” Zedi Umutoni, a blogger, who has experienced a relationship with an older man, notes that older men care more reliable because of their age. “Girls, especially those who don’t have parents or close people around them are always looking out for a father figure – and that is the older man who will spoil them. Young boys just cannot be trusted with love,” she says. “Girls also assume that men who are of their age are younger than them in mind, and are often unserious in a relationship. So a girl who wants to settle down will go for an older man—a mature mind—who has a plan,” Umutoni explains. However, Cedric Kamanzi, a student at Kigali Institute of Management (KIM) challenges Umutoni’s thought-line, noting that older men are more interested in sex, in exchange for money, before they get bored and move on to the next desperate catch. “These days, all that girls want is money. A boy like me, without money can hardly convince a beautiful girl to date me because she wishes to date a man who will take her to Gisenyi or buy her a car. But what these girls don’t know is that the man will also sacrifice anything to get her into bed and then disappear,” Kamanzi argues. It is a common belief that teenagers involved in cross-generational relationships are looking for adventure—something not popular in regular relationships. Hollywood stars like Sean Young have vowed never to date anyone within 30 years of their own age. Justin Timberlake, Asher Raymond are some examples who made famous showbiz headlines because they dated older partners. As a result, this lifestyle has become an inspiration to the teenagers who adore them. Several campaigns by non-governmental organizations and government agencies have lately come out to condemn cross-generational sex in Africa, reason being that it exposes teens to sexually transmitted infections, HIV/Aids and sexual violence. Younger girls have no negotiating power with older men during sex, which ends in having unprotected sex. Over the years, cross-generational relationships have increased in number. Moreover, despite the controversies cited, this seems to be the next trend in love affairs, assuming intense efforts are not put into place. emma.mprince@newtimes.co.rw