Aunt’s corner

My husband and I are both graduates and we had very good jobs. While my husband is still working, he stopped me from working so that I can take care of my four little children. He is a typical African man who does not believe that house helps should take care of our children full time, but people who help mothers take care of their children. I have been at home for eight months now and I am very bored. I just don’t know how to tell my husband that I want to go back to being a working mother. This is taking toll on my marriage.Peace Dear Peace,Do not despair and allow yourself to be frustrated just because you are a full time mother. Believe you me some of us will give anything to be in your position-to be able to take care of our children full time. There is nothing as good as when a mother is there for her children full time, because you are able to witness those special moments when your child takes their first step, say their first word and all that. These are memories that some many working mothers do not have because they could not be there for our children; as some are the providers in their homes. I don’t know how you can be bored in taking care of your children; because there is no better full time job for a mother than that of taking care of her children. But if you feel you need to do some paper work for you to feel you are doing something useful- then I suggest you first talk to your husband and when he agrees you can get yourself a part time job. Unlike in the recent past whereby we in the developing countries could not work part time, now we are able to work part time, some even in the comfort of our homes taking care of our families. If you can’t get that part time job, then I suggest you try and do some business which will enable you to have time flexibility so that you are there to take care of your children, as their father demands.Marriage, my dear, is all about compromising to suit the needs of a couple; when children are involved things become even more complicated, because decisions will now be made to best suit the entire family, and more so for the children. If you ask me, I see no problem with taking care of your young ones until they become of age, then you can start work again. The only problem is that maybe you do not have interesting activities which you can enjoy together and that which can connect you and the children and make each day worth the while. Being a full time mother does not mean to wash and cook only. These are children who are growing up, and they are most often than not very active. Engage them in some kind of sport or games. Take them for swimming classes if you can afford. Get some time and teach them the basics of schooling. For instance you can have a time table with different activities for each day. Study your children and find out about their hobbies and talents.There is nothing which can reverse time; some of us would have rewound the time to be able to see our children take their first step or say that first word. Immerse yourself in the beauty of being a mother and enjoy the little blessings that come with it, tomorrow when they are all grown and gone you will have something to hold on to. kayitesius@yahoo.com