Feature:Why moms should bond with their children

Sophia Batamuliza is a 27-year-old, newlywed and says it is only recently that she begun to build a relationship with her biological mother. She was always afraid of her. They never had that mother-daughter relationship because her mother was always harsh and wore a no-nonsense look on her face. According to Batamuliza, she and her siblings had christened her as ‘headmistress’ because she acted like one. “Every time she would come back home from work, we all pretended to be busy reading or doing housework. Whenever she was in the living room, we would all head to the kitchen, bedrooms or verandah,” she said. She beat them up for any slight mistake. They were so terrified of their own mother. They would never confide in her over anything because they were terrified that her response might be cruel. After University, Batamuliza got into a serious relationship but it took her years to introduce her boyfriend (current husband) to her mother. She was scared that her mother might throw around her usual tantrums even in his presence. Batamuliza’s mother is just one of so many such women who make no effort to bond with their children but rather to draw them away from them. Some women might not even be as tough as Batamuliza’s mother. They could be the kind of mothers who crack jokes with their children, but when they really do not care to know what happens in the lives of their children. Some moms are too engrossed chasing after their careers that they do not have time for their children. At the end of the day, children end up bonding with the house helps who have time listen to them. They might even try to look for someone else to bond with who might in turn take advantage of them. For example, a girl might turn to a boy for a friend who seems to complement her and to care about all that goes on in her life. Before you know it, they are emotionally involved, a sexual relationship kicks off and nine months down the road, she is carrying his child. There might be quite a number of negative outcomes when mothers fail to bond with their children yet it is not such a tough task. Take time off to chat with your children and spend time with them. Share with them your personal experiences and ask them about what’s happening in their lives. Crack jokes with them and share stories. Win their trust by never telling out their secrets and by giving them an ear when they need someone to speak out their hearts. Mothers should never let anyone else take over their role because they might abuse it. Motherhood is not just about fulfilling a child’s material needs but also emotional needs. Remember, mothers always make the best counselors and confidants for their children. m.kaitesi@yahoo.com