Society: When women turned to fantasy figures and day-dreaming

A recent debate in my hostel almost led to blows when a female friend started comparing regular guys to Telenovera actor Mario Cimarro. She had his poster in her room and on her phone as a screen saver. The discussion sent chills up my spine as I realized that it’s enough to make even the securest of men feel less than adequate, less attractive, less desirable and perhaps even less than a man. And it’s all because of those images, you know, the ones that, day in and day out, are shoved at us through TV, in magazines, newspapers and in movies. They are images of “the beautiful people,” the ones with the good looks, the perfect bodies and a big dose of celebrity. They are the ones who come to mind in response to the apparent growing notion among some women who say that when it comes to relationships, it’s Mr. Perfect or nobody at all. That idea has delivered a crippling blow to the ego and self-esteem of thousands of good, capable, responsible men who just happen to be “usual” guys. They are not on TV; they are not on the runways modelling the products of European designers; they are not multimillion-dollar athletes or entertainers; and they are not staring back at you from the silver screen, feeding women’s fantasies. They are ordinary, average guys who go to work every day in a variety of 7-to-5 jobs; they pay their bills; they obey the law; and they seek fulfilling relationships with ladies.But as seemingly desirable as these men appear to be, with characteristics that many women say they look for in a man; they not only are not at the top of some women’s list, they aren’t even on the list when it comes to love and romance. The reason? Some women themselves will tell you, without hesitation, now that there is more access and opportunity in the employment arena, many are primarily devoted to their careers, plus they are more likely to be financially stable and are less likely to want to put forth the effort of establishing and sustaining a meaningful relationship unless it is with someone whom they consider not just Mr. Right but the perfect Mr. Right.This is by no means a new development, but it has been taken to a new level. In this day and time, it’s apparently in style for women to be single by choice, and some women who are career-minded, self-sufficient and choosier than ever wear that distinction like a badge of honour. But as frustrating and puzzling as this slap in the face is for some men, men need to know and understand that despite not being on some women’s must-have relationship list because they don’t meet their fantasy criteria, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being themselves.Let’s be clear about this: Those women, who limit their choices and only consider their fantasy-figure, don’t represent the majority of women. In reality, most women look beyond the surface and consider things like personality, intelligence, consideration and dependability as a part of the love quotient. They know that the package’s wrapping is not more important than the package itself.A quick survey I conducted around campus about the most important qualities ladies look for in a spouse or significant other, the largest percentage said they look for emotional warmth, sensitivity and nurturing.Ask any woman (well, any reasonable, sensible woman) and she’ll tell you that the real beauty of a man is his confidence, his self-esteem, his attention to responsibility and duty. You don’t have to be on TV or in the movies to be on her list. You might not be a celebrity, but you can be a star who just happens to be a regular guy. When you take the step to improve a situation when no one else will, you’re a star. When you are the willing, conscientious role model that you should be, you’re a star! When you make a difference instead of making excuses, you’re a star. When you become a mentor to that child who needs your direction, you’re a star. When you take a stand even when no one else is standing, you’re a star! When you extend yourself to assist those who need a helping hand, you’re a star. When you right a wrong, you’re a star. When you know when to lead, when to follow and when to get out of the way, you’re a star.The fact that you don’t bask in the glare of the spotlight should not determine the level of your self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth. In the real world, the foundation of our society rests on the shoulders of day-to-day men (and women) who may never stand in the glare of the celebrity spotlight, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t the cream of the crop.Every woman has the right to determine what she needs in a man, what she needs to make her happy and fulfilled no matter how lofty her desires. But are too many being unrealistic? Too picky? To the point that they are denying themselves the beauty of a satisfying relationship while they seek and wait for what some lady friends describe as “impossible ideals?”What is it about a woman who won’t even give a man the time of day if he doesn’t have the credentials to enter her fantasy zone? True, it’s her choice and, at the same time, perhaps her loss. She has to understand that Mr. Perfect can come in all forms, even in the form of a not-so-popular guy. Am talking about the one who can listen to her and hear what she’s saying, one who realizes that the courtship should never end, one who knows how to love a woman the way she should be (and needs to be) loved.See, it s all about perception and preference but it goes both ways. Those women who say it’s Mr. Perfect or nobody at all, what’s to say that they, themselves, are the cream of the crop? So, if you’re a guy, keep on doing what you’re doing, you have no reason to feel inadequate. There should be no shame in your game. jeav202@yahoo.com