When a boyfriend hooks up with his long lost buddy (read your ex)

Ever found yourself in that awkward place when your current beau and your ex are the bosom buddies you truly had no knowledge of? A very tricky situation, I say. The truth of the matter is that there is no solid way a woman can go around it other than accept it as it is and leave it in the hands of fate. Imagine dining out with your man only for your ex to come strolling in and on spotting you comes over, not to disturb you but to say hello to a long lost friend; your boyfriend! They slap each other’s backs in excitement, looking every bit the tight pals you pray to God they are not. All you can do is sit speechless wondering how small the world can be. Now, if you are looking for the most awkward moment in your life that is it! Either that or asking your dad to buy you tampons. And even the latter can be worked around. So there you are, mad at the world that this is happening and there is nothing you can do about it except pray that the ex keeps his mouth shut and does his best to make it look like you are meeting for the first time. And that would have worked out great, but your body language gives you away. You become unsettled. In such circumstances however, no one can be blamed. You probably talked about your ex with your boyfriend but of course didn’t feel the need to mention every single detail because it didn’t matter. He on the other hand didn’t find it obligatory to go through his entire squad of friends from childhood either, so there you have it. My only advice is to break the ice and get it over with. Find time to talk to him about it to clear the air. He might get mad at first, but if he’s really reasonable (and there are not very many) then he’ll cool down and probably even respect you more for being honest with him. The problem is every time you have a fight, he will bring it up even when it has nothing to do with what you are fighting about. This is not a win-win situation. If you tell him, he will forgive you (or pretend he has forgiven you) but then use it against you every chance he gets. If you don’t tell him and he finds out (and he will find out) he will insist you hid it from him because you probably still have feelings for the guy even when you clearly don’t, so either way you are doomed. If he dumps you for that, claiming he can’t date a girl who’s been with a friend, even when he hasn’t seen him in over 10 years, then clearly it wasn’t meant to be because that is no excuse to dump someone really, unless there is proof of an ongoing liaison. If it ended in one piece and you honestly want nothing to do with the ex then you have nothing to be ashamed of. It is understandable that his ego might be crushed because you once dated his better looking friend but what matters is that you are with him now and not the friend he is so insecure about. rachelgaruka@yahoo.co.uk