I hate people who…

…make themselves part of an audience uninvited. I wonder why being idle is not declared an article of terrorism. I mean who do you explain the speed with which idle people will gather around a lone white person as he or she is talking to just one ordinary person. Where do these jobless jokers get the guts to transform themselves into a crowd without invitation? The Mzungu is not talking to you and so there is no reason why you should stop and stare as if you have never seen a person with that skin colour. Please, move on and wait to be invited instead of making others uncomfortable. Don’t you just hate such people? If you don’t then I hate you more. …think they can tip themselves with my money. You know the world is really going crazy when some joker decides to tip themselves instead of returning all your money for you to decide. These people really deserve to be slapped before you complain to the manager. I know some white people offer you a tip each time you serve them but that does not mean you can now levy the tip like its some kind of tax. Where do you get the idea that I don’t need the money? Who hires these thieves? Giving you a tip or not is a decision for me to make. How would you like it if I let you keep the tip and then I asked your boss to fire you? After all you are paid a salary and a tip is only extra income not a must. …carelessly tell ladies that they are fat. The moment I retire from my job of hating fulltime, I will start etiquette classes for those who want to be gentlemen. There are some things that are better not said if the world is to remain peaceful. I have no option but to hate the men who still have not figured out that most ladies are uncomfortable with being told that they are fat. Please, don’t even fall for the trick question when she asks you, “Does this dress make me look fat?” I know some are comfortable with their weight but to be safe steer clear of weight as a topic for conversation. The Hater likes ladies and that is why I will hate anyone who makes them unhappy. …reply with k, ok or cool to a long text.Sometimes small actions really get us angry and we fear to talk about them. But not me, I am paid to do just this, hate you for anything. I therefore declare that I hate people who reply to long texts with a mere, ‘Ok’ or worse still just ‘k’ yet MTN or Tigo is still going to charge you the same amount for sending one letter or two sentences. People who do this make us feel a little irrelevant. Like they don’t want to communicate with us. Next time say some more or I will continue hating you. …insist on lecturing me about eating healthy food. Yeah yeah, I have heard all that talk of red meat being bad for my health and so much more. But do you ever stop to think that sometimes I am just trying to fight off hunger not trying to be as healthy as Oprah or your other models? Well then I guess you also need to know that I hate you and your vegetarian gospel that makes me feel like eating a piece of meat is a treasonable crime. And to you my fans, feel free to buy me that brochette or Zingaro. Only after that can you tell me about going vegetarian. Let me help you hate by sending your suggestions to thehater2009@gmail.com or a text message to +250 788 545293