Fashion: Picture perfect: the shortcut to your dream body

AS WE (Africa) develop at a very fast rate, sophisticated technology and its products have really proved to take us by the storm and if you asked our grandparents, they indeed seem to be lost. They have totally failed to come to terms with this ‘dot-com’ era and its practices. I have a friend who failed to convince his dad that he is doing a bachelors degree in Computer Science at Sikim Manipal University in India from the comfort of their living room. The old man thought that the boy was fleecing him of his pension. Forget the about the technology and the gadgets. A new craze has hit Kampala and it is slowly but surely gaining ground. This is for the not so endowed or those that feel that the creator left a lot to be desired when making them. Anyway, there’s no cause for worry because thanks to advanced technology, we can now ‘rectify’ where we think God made mistakes by simply going for enhancement of that particular part, and believe me it works even for as short as 2 weeks and bang………you have your dream bust, bum, nose, size, skin color, or genital size. Now you can stop dreaming about a Jennifer Lopez butt, Pamela Anderson’s bust or even Brad Pitt’s looks. You can have the same. You may well have seen the adverts: “BREAST ENLARGEMENT, FIRMING AND REDUCTION, RESULTS IN 2 WEEKS ONLY”. Others speak of manhood enlargement, weight loss and weight gain, scar and stretch marks removal. I know some of you are already asking yourselves, is this really possible, here in Africa? The answer is yes, you can now walk into that shop as long you have the money and you will get the job done by the experts. Pretending to be one of those in need of a little makeover or polishing I visited one of the parlours where such services are readily available. REALITY UNFOLDS You may have seen the ads in papers and roadside posters but the people in this field operate in a highly secretive manner. By phone you can get in touch with these experts and after a thorough questioning they direct you to their offices. I called a gentleman who only identified himself as George. He was fluent and professional and he guided me to his office, the front of which acts as a phone shop while behind is where ‘operations’ stealthily take place. I immediately suspected something wrong since these people cannot operate openly. But casting my fears aside, I join the many clients filling the small room hoping to do away with their body flaws. There were women with very heavy busts, those hoping to restore some elasticity in certain places, obese ones and some brothers who wanted to attain a ‘few more inches’. I belonged to the latter category. One by one, we all vanished into the consultation room but nobody attempted to discus what transpired behind the closed door. I came face to face with the consultant, a one Mr. Albert and without hesitation I told him my problem. He pulled a drawer, got out a sealed pump that promised to add several inches after only one month. And all for a cool Ush500,000 (Frw160,000). Alternatively, there are other products that are cheaper in form of a jelly and tablets meant to add me more strength and stamina, going for Ush150.000 (Frw48,000). All products are made in Germany. Having survived the prospect of telling me to undress so that they confirm my worries, I told them the amount was too much and I would need to first go and raise the amount. He told me to come with a photo of my not-so well endowed parts so that they can devise ways of helping me. I am yet to go back. These guys do not perform plastic surgery but they have products that are as good as plastic surgery. Jamillah, one of the ladies I met, confessed that she used breast firming creams and they worked like a miracle. She also says that she has been able to shed off a lot of fat using these products and stretch marks are also gone. Steve is another guy who confesses to have been so skinny but using weight gain products from China, he has been able to attain the most perfect body you can only find with movie stars. An effort to find somebody who managed to restore virginity using the popular virginity soap was futile. Other products seem to work in a very miraculous manner. Now the latest on market is an artificial bum which costs between Ush380,000 (Frw120,000)and Ush500,000 (Frw160,000) depending on the size you want. An order can be place and one week later you can have it delivered to your door steps all the way from Dubai. Also on the market are highly engineered creams that can transform a face full bumps and pimples to a crystal clear light-smooth face of Halle Berry. And there are these wild hair growth creams that can make a miracle out of hair that previously looked like steel wool. What are you waiting for? Go get that look you have always wanted. Transform that flabby bust by walking into the nearest beauty palour and come out looking like Halle Berry. But remember, it comes at a cost. CAUSE FOR CONCERN It’s impossible not to wonder why these individuals tend to operate undercover. These products maybe Germany made but that doesn’t stop them from being quack or fake, thus making them dangerous to humans. According to the internet most of these products are engineered by quack adventurous doctors who are so absorbed in the desire to accomplish their dreams and innovations that it is at the expense of human beings. So we could as well be innocently acting as test samples of these selfish and scrupulous men who want to make history at our expense. Some of them are banned from practice in Europe and are secretly producing these products that are taking us by the storm. Other products like breast creams have been found to contain chemicals that are dangerous and are likely to lead to the development of breast cancer. Is that perfect chest really worth it? Be warned, beauty comes at a price. Is that price worth paying? Contact: kagire-eddie@yahoo.com