Sorting out all the dirt

For the last months or so, I’ve been cleaning house. Not the physical house that I live in. (Although I could get better at housekeeping.) I’m talking about my social house, my relationship bungalow, the place where all of my associations with family, friends, co-workers and acquaintances are kept. We’ve all got one, although we very rarely give it the attention that it needs, rarely stop to take inventory of our life’s soured relationships and situations that somehow get pushed to the back of beyond. A mix-up here. A slip of the tongue there. A little gossip here. A little finger-pointing there. And before you know it, our social house is a mess. Before you know it, we have a ‘beef’ with just about everyone we know. Like with your physical house, the longer you go without cleaning your social house, the harder it will be to make it tidy. Ever prepared Posho? It’s much easier to clean the saucepan right after dinner than the day after. It’s the same with feelings and relationships. The longer we go without making things right, the tougher it will be to change hearts and minds that have hardened and situations that have taken hold. Ever wondered why some old people are mad at the world, and everybody and everything in it? These are the people who never took the time out to sort out things, to clean their social house of the grudges, hurt feelings, misunderstandings that started out small, but grew over the years. Improving our emotional and social life starts with making that first step. If you’ve vowed to never speak to your high school buddy or Campus roommate, it’s time to rectify that. If you had a messy breakup with your longtime companion, sort it out. If your homeboy from the neighborhood ticked you off and you said you were going to cut him loose work on that too. Sort out yourself with your mum and dad by telling that that you love them (In Africa though a parent will immediately think that there’s something you want or something wrong you did), and truly appreciate the sacrifices they made for you along the way. Sort out yourself with your siblings by spending some time with them. Take your sister for dinner. Take your brother out for a beer. Sort out yourself with your little niece or nephew or a cousin, who looks up to you but you’ve never found time to spend with them. Sort out yourself with your grandma or grandpa. Take them out to lunch, spending that quality time with them that you always wished you could spend. Make the time to talk with them, laugh with them, and learn from them. You will find that both sides will benefit from the time spent together. Severed relationships and unfinished business in any aspect of your life can ruin your productivity and temper your inner peace, making you a prime candidate for much-unneeded stress. But sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you won’t be able to make things right. And that’s okay, because success is measured in your honest attempt at making things right. The ultimate conscience clearer is in the effort at settling ongoing grudges and then moving on. Many times that means swallowing your pride, setting aside your ego, and even apologizing and saying you were wrong. But once you realize that it’s actually more stressful to keep conflicts and unresolved issues going than to humbly resolve them, only then will you understand the importance of sorting yourself out. Because as strange as it sounds, many times the only way you can successfully move forward is when you make the time to take a step back. jeav202@yahoo