Coping after a miscarriage and stillbirth

A miscarriage is a distressing experience for any couple because it leaves them with many different emotions and its horrible experience. Some women tend to isolate themselves from their families since the pain is unexplainable. Stillbirths and miscarriages are terrible things to happen to any woman but its traumatizing for a first-time expectant woman. It is a very personal experience that every woman will do differently. The 29-year-old Aisha Nakiiwa, manager with a Sports betting company, experienced two stillbirths, she narrates her ordeal. “The stillbirth happened with my first pregnancy. I lost my daughter and I was about to lose my mind. I didn’t want to conceive again because I thought it would happen again. My fears turned out to be true,” Nakiiwa recalls. “I lost a son again although this one I was able to carry him in my arms for a few hours. During his birth, every time they told me to push the umbilical cord kept tightening around his neck thus tiring him leading his death. I was numb and I would sit for hours in a place and look at nothing; everything had come to a standstill.” With the help and encouragement of her husband, doctor, family and friends she made it through her tragic experiences and healed with time. “I prayed a lot to overcome my fears and the advice from my doctor also soothed my situation,” Nakiiwa expresses. “When you talk to people you discover that there are people who have gone through what you are going through or have far worse problems compared to your situation. I was able to conceive again and was blessed with a daughter although I underwent a caesarian section,” she explains. In most cases a miscarriage or stillbirth cannot be prevented or explained. In an interview with Dr. Eugene Ngoga, Gynecologist at King Faisal Hospital, he said that the loss gravely affects the psychology of the woman. “We strengthen them psychologically and we advise the family to be at their side all the time since losing a child affects the woman in all aspects. Explaining to the patient about what could have caused the miscarriage or stillbirth is important because in most cases the woman is able to overcome their fears and conceive again,” Dr. Ngoga explains. He further adds that at times the woman decides to give up on conceiving again but it’s the role of the doctor to encourage the patient not to lose hope. Some women will not want to have anything to do with sex. The act of sex will either remind the woman of their miscarriage or be afraid to getting pregnant again to go through another miscarriage. “I usually advise my patients to conceive as soon as they feel comfortable. Giving people the time limit to do something is challenging,” Dr. Ngoga explains. While coping with miscarriage it’s important for the husband to support his wife emotionally. They need emotional strengthen from their partner. Men need to try and understand that their partners will eventually come to terms with her feelings and will be back to normal. The most important factor while coping with a miscarriage is communication. It’s important for women to grieve but not to lose the hope of having more children. Dorau20@yahoo.co.uk