Flowers got me fooled

‘When you have only two pennies left in the world, buy a loaf of bread with one, and flowers with the other.’—Chinese Proverb. This seemed to be true for Enid’s fiancé; he always forgot to shop for other items but never returned home without her favorite flowers. Buying flowers for some men is really not so different from buying newspapers. They believe flowers are simply an impersonal generic gesture anyone can make. They require no follow through and no sincerity. Flowers require absolutely no emotional commitment; they just require a quick trip through the flower stall. Enid shares her story of a life time—a time when her fiancé who cheated on her always came home with a bouquet of flowers. “I don’t know about you, but nothing moves me like fresh flowers! Among the many things that made me fall for Derrick (now my ex) were the flowers he used to give me. It was one of the things I liked about him; I thought the flowers really meant something for our relationship. I thought the flowers were a visible symbol of a deeper commitment. He would buy flowers for special events, anniversaries or for no reason at all just to surprise me. The first time he bought me flowers was within our first week of dating, and he continued to give them to me throughout the entirety of our relationship. I used to think the flowers meant he was thinking about me and he was visibly showing me he loved me. Now I realize he was just going through the motions of what he thought he was supposed to do in a relationship. He didn’t know what kind of gift would be unique or specific for me. He probably just never thought beyond flowers. As I look back at our relationship, I regret that I assigned so much value to the flowers. I regret I gloated to my friends about how thoughtful he was. I mistakenly believed the flowers meant something to him. Now I know clearly that what matters more than flowers is what happens in between the flowers, in between the anniversaries and the special occasions. What matters more in a relationship is the emotional commitment that cannot be bought at any flower shop.” Learning from Enid’s experience, what matters more than flowers is sincerity and integrity. What matters more than flowers are the daily actions that demonstrate genuine commitment and investment in a mature relationship. martin.bishop18@yahoo.com