“You Can Never Know Your Father”

Many times, life is just an ambush; what you do now or did yesterday impacts on what happens tomorrow. I have learnt never to take people or things for granted. As the saying goes, “he who has eaten is the one that farts” (sorry about the language)! Being a typical villager, I still believe in the wisdom of the sayings of the old; isn’t Old Gold? Typical of villagers but not restricted to the same, we say what we see. After all, what is a story? The other day, Mukabaranga, a wife of my neighbour’s cousin’s brother in-law was admitted at none other than Kigali’s “Sihashika” (read CHK – Central Hôpital du Kigali), Muhima branch. The lady was admitted suffering from this and that (no particular ailment), by the end of the day, they had “sentenced her” to being cured by the knife! Don’t read me wrong, I do not mean FGM (something mutilation), but a surgical operation! The operation went on as expected and she was to be confined in the Hôpital for strict and expert observations. No problem with that that was the reason we had come around to pay them a visit. In Africa and Rwanda in particular, we are supposed to be very compassionate and generous to each other. I think it is for this reason that many of us were paying visits to our close and equally distant relatives and non-relatives, lovers and haters alike! As the Master always said, “Whatsoever you do, to the least of my brothers that you do unto me”, we were making the scriptures come true. As we were getting up to leave, an uneasy silence began to grip the Maternity ward in which we were. Just five or so beds away, there was a young woman who had just given birth to a bouncing baby boy. She was in company of her mother and two ladies I presume to be her sisters. Standing a metre or so away was a pair of young-men that looked like wounded Buffalos! The unease had been caused by the arrival of one man who had come to pay a visit to the lady who had just given birth. This bloke found another guy around who had done likewise! Word had it that, the second Buffalo man had come with a bouquet of Roses, on seeing them, the first one smelt a Rat! To cut the long story short, the lady had confidentially declared that she was carrying his baby and likewise to the other! As things were changing from cold to lukewarm and to hot, the first buffalo demanded to know what actually the father of the “calf” was! The lady declared the Roses Buffalo as the true man! The first Buffalo was not the least amused; he pounced on the Roses’ Buffalo and began calling all sorts of names and insulting about his mama’s “dairy” stores, etc. Within no time, the two had locked each other’s “horns” in battle. The day was saved by some Police Men who happened to be patrolling around. As the saying goes, “you can never know your father when your mother is alive”, she could declare you to another man! The most embarrassed of all was the lady’s mother as she was accused by one of the Buffalos of having taught her daughter by example! mfashumwana@fastmail.fm