During life’s agonizing moments

We are often tempted to think or even believe that God has abandoned us and he therefore doesn’t care, but it’s never the truth. Whenever we are going through difficult times or overwhelmed by threatening crises in life, we always put the blame on God instead of wholly trusting in him. Most times we want God to make decisions in our favour but he knows what’s best for us even when we might not be amused by his decisions at times. Malcolm Ntayomba, 54, an elder, counselor in the church and father of one daughter and four sons narrates the painful experience he went through with his only daughter. “Martha, my daughter is my precious pearl, pride and treasure. Being the only girl I had, I loved her so much. Her mother had passed away during the birth of our last born. Martha had lots of qualities like her mother and always took great care of her siblings, She was very brilliant in school, social, likable and a stunningly beautiful girl like her mother was. I took her to the best schools and indulged her like a princess. I gave her everything she wanted. Relatives started complaining that I was spoiling her.I had lots of expectations in her and didn’t want her to be lied to and fooled by men,”Ntayomba recalls. Ntayomba says that during Martha’s senior six vacation, she got out of control. Out of the blue, she ceased to be the sweet girl he knew. She started escaping to go out and dance. She started drinking alcohol uncontrollably and smoking as well. “I felt like I hadn’t been a good parent and that was probably why she got spoilt. I started wishing her mother hadn’t died; Martha would probably be a good girl. I had done all I knew a good father and mother should do while raising their children. I read lots of parenting books and put whatever I read in practice. I played both mother and father role, took my children to church and prayed with them every day. Martha’s getting spoilt made me feel like all my efforts were futile! My heart ached so badly for my precious daughter. I started questioning God why this was happening to me but no answer,” Martha’s father recollects. Ntayomba says that he was the one counseling other people’s children with the same issues like her daughter and many had reformed but here he was failing to do the same with his daughter. Martha had become the laughing stalk of the village. Some church members started gossiping and coming up with humiliating stories about his daughter. Malcom counseled her and pleaded with her to change but she was only further straying away. She then joined University pursuing a bachelor in Law since she had excelled. She was an intelligent and smart girl but her ruined reputation only got worse. She started sleeping around with big men and aborted twice. Somehow, the gossip always spread around their area before Ntayomba got to know about it. Martha got pregnant in her third year of University and quit school. “She came back home apologized and I of course forgave her though it was hurting. I had anticipated a great future for her and wanted to witness her wedding with a respectable, God fearing man but she was now giving birth to a child whose father she didn’t even know,” said Ntayomba. Ntayomba started suffering from Pressure and Diabetes. The pain intensified every time she had something about Martha that seemed to have been attacked by every evil habit on the face of the earth. He says this was too much for him as people scorned, mocked and laughed at him for spoiling and failing to raise his daughter. Martha promised to change and go back to complete law school after giving birth. The baby would be left under the care of Malcom and Martha’s grandmother. She reformed and went back to school. After close to four months, Martha went back to her old habits and became worse. The dad almost gave up on her. In 4th year, she fell sick and was bedridden for over year. Her younger brother followed suit and was imprisoned for drug abuse and robbery. Ntayomba almost died of high blood pressure during those trying moment but he says he thanks God for whatever they went through. “Martha totally reformed, finished law school and is one of the most sought after lawyers with a popular law firm. She recovered from her sickness. She is a trained counselor, happily married with two children and is opening up a rehabilitation centre soon to help youth struggling with addictions and trauma,”Ntayomba happily says. Her brother who was in prison is in theology school now and he is going to be a pastor soon. “Iam glad we went through this. May be it was the only way God was going to help my children become strong in character and get to know him,”Ntayomba says. He adds that his children have reached out to many whose lives have been transformed. If they hadn’t gone through these things, then the people they are helping today wouldn’t relate quite well with them and understand the need to change. He says sometimes God lets us go through pain to train us for our future roles, make us stronger and even save our souls. Some of the reasons, we will never understand. Bottom line is, we’ll all go through tough times but God can’t give us more than we can handle and he will walk with us through the fire. Even when it doesn’t make sense, let’s be glad and rejoice in all circumstance because the Bible states so! No situation is permanent. That too shall pass! m.kaitesi@yahoo.com