To all “player-haters”, this one is for you...

“I wanna show all my haters love, this song for you if you acting like me and I was in your shoes I’d probably hate on me too, see when you gettin’ big cash stacks, All the haters hate that Cuz they hate to see you be successful I wanna show all my haters love, So I’d wave to you like Good Mornin, Ha- ha- ha- ha- haters” So Chamillionaire sings. This song got me thinking, what is player-hating? It’s been a term used to describe the dislike of men’s conquest of women. But as of late it has taken on a new meaning. Player-hating. We’re all guilty of it at some point in our lives, some of us more than others. If there’s one thing some people can’t stand more than a good-for-nothing man is a do-something-good man, one who is handling his business, one who is on top of his game. Just the other day, I was at lunch with a few guys when a smart gentleman stepped out of his top-of-the-line luxury car and walked into the restaurant. He raised dust but I can’t blame the guy, I blame the government that has failed to tarmac the road. Anyway, not a minute passed before one of the guys I was with said, “Would you look at this acting dude. Who does he think he is?” Messed up his whole meal! May have messed up his whole day! Just the thought of another man doing well, is enough to turn others into haters of the worst kind. Even the next week he was still talking about the so-called “fake” man. While we use up all of our energy hating successful men, they are using their energy to plan their next move. Spend some time with a few successful men, and you will quickly realize how their minds work. They are calculating, planning, figuring, and anticipating while the hating guys are just calculating their next snappy put-down. It may get a laugh or two from their buddies, but when it comes down to it, that hating guy knows he’s the one coming up short. This hating starts early in life; you remember the guy in school who knew all the answers and seemed to have it together? He was the one people put down the most. Chances are he is also the one people are still hating because of his achievements in his life. If you’re comfortable with the goals you set for yourself and the steps you plan to achieve them, then feel free to give a little encouragement every now and then to a man whose goals may have paid off a little more than yours. Now, more than ever, we need one another. It’s hard enough being a man with just about everyone already doubting you, without having your own hating on you. No cultures look down on successful people as much as we do. It’s an unrealistic instinct that many of us have that makes us want to pull another person down just as he is about to claw his way out of the crowd and into a better life. Instead of hating, why don’t we congratulate and shake the hand of a man who made his mark in the world. Give him props; ask him how he did it. Ask him where he went to school. What subject did he major in? Did he work at an internship? Where was his first job? Does he have any investment tips, any advice, any wisdom that he would care to part with? Being a successful starts with us! Our curiosity, our desire, our will to do better than previous generations, are the keys to making it to new and uncharted heights. It’s an easy change that can make a hater into someone successful. The kind of person that whether we admit or not we all aspire to be! I bet somewhere down the line some people may have told Eric Kabera (RCC) that his dream of Rwanda film festival was an ill-calculated move . They probably told Paul Kagame that his bravery and leadership skills would not help him and others in liberating and leading Rwanda. Somewhere down the line, I bet there’s even a person who looked at Obama and said that he couldn’t make history. Luckily these men didn’t fall prey to all of the haters and just kept their eyes on the prize. I’ve been responsible for some hating myself. I used to hate the men who wore the suits. I used to hate the men who owned the petrol stations, and I used to hate the man who was always returning from a vacation. Then I realized that it’s not just a few people who have a monopoly on living the good life. Although the cards are stacked against us, the opportunity is there for all of us to take. In order to make the most out of life, we need to set high goals for ourselves and set a plan to achieve those goals. At the same time, we need to realize that along the way there will always be people who will attempt to discourage us and trick us into believing that our goals are trivial and meaningless. And if you still want to be a “hater,” there are plenty of people left for you to hate on. Leave all of the good men alone and hate on those who lack motivation, determination, a sense of culture, a sense of history, a sense of self, or just good common sense. Hate on men who disrespect women. Hate on men who think nothing of hurting others to get what they want. Hate on those who don’t reach back to help others. Now that’s some ‘hatin’ I can agree with. jeav202@yahoo.com