Relationships:Taming the tongue

One of the most uncouth and common habits and weakness among human beings is gossiping. This isolates none since it’s a habit with both the uneducated and corporate educated—it is even more uncomely for a woman to gossip. Women will gossip about everything from the girl they saw the neighbour with, to some details best left as secrets for example; ‘my hubby eats a lot’ or, ‘hates taking a bath in the morning.’ Unfortunately, those who gossip derive pleasure from this rather irritating habit. Gossiping women will for example; find it extremely easy to set up a lunch appointment with a friend, just to talk about their friend who is pregnant with a workmate’s child—they tend to make their suspicions and hearsays facts, even when they are not. These women will gossip about; a friend’s new Ipsum car which she got from a sugar daddy, a boss’ marital issues with his third wife who doesn’t give birth and everything nonsensical you can possibly think of. Gossiping is one of the causes of most misunderstandings amongst friends, workmates, neighbours, church members, relatives, friends and even spouses. Being friends with a gossiping woman is a lethal combination. Before a listener knows it, the habit will have caught them like a viral disease. Therefore, it is wise to avoid the company of such unproductive people. If they are people that are close to you and you cannot avoid, then you just have to stand your ground and confront them whenever they start talking about someone. Letting a gossiper know that you are not interested in cheap talk, will bail you out. They will be afraid to talk about someone with you or in your presence. Yvonne Umutoni 26, a resident of Kabeza, Kigali, says that gossiping is one nasty habit that stirs conflict among friends and family. “Gossiping is not only ungodly but can get to the extent of breaking up a marriage. Most of the women who gossip have low self esteem, are insecure, are trying to fit in and are often jealous of other people’s achievements,” Umutoni says. She adds: “If you gossip with your friend about someone else, then your friend will definitely gossip about you with someone else.” Umutoni advises that since we would not love to be gossiped about, then we should not gossip about others. Gigi Mukundane, 23 years, is a student at the National University of Rwanda (NUR) who says that, “every woman is guilty of this offence.” “This still does not justify the fact that gossiping is an ugly habit,” she says, “…and gossip is usually common where people have misunderstandings.” “If one has a problem with another person, the best way to solve it is confront the person and talk about it instead of talking behind their back,” Mukundane says. In James 3:5-6, the Bible clearly states that, “the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider that a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” Wise women are therefore those who use their tongues for constructive talk and not destructive gossip. m.kaitesi@yahoo.com