LivingLife: Learn to Say No

In our world of capitalism where how many opportunities one exploits determine how aggressive one is perceived to be or sometimes the level of success that one really achieves, it often is hard to say no. It begins with humble employees who while very eager to climb the career ladder choose to do every task thrown at them including some tasks that are too heavy for them or are plainly not for them. Though in many ways for someone to prove to be a worthy worker they need to demonstrate humility and the ability to work even outside their job specifications, there has got to be a self limit on how much work you should take in to prove that point. For example taking on more responsibilities than you are paid for is one way of showing enthusiasm with your work but it should not go in the way of quality delivery. If it begins to get in the way, then it loses its intrinsic value. The same applies in the world of business. If the company succeeds in selling bread it does not mean that it will succeed in selling cars. Also, if it can sell 100 loaves in Kigali, trying to sell the same number of loaves in Rubavu, Nyagatare, Rusizi etc may not be an easy task. The point is that growth is best when it is organic – gradual and controlled. Sharp and uncontrolled growth is often disastrous. In trying to grow a healthy successful business, it’s good to say no to very good opportunities quickly without taking in consideration the long term considerations, can be deadly. Even in our day to day relations with friends, workmates and relatives, we should not be the door mats for other’s problems, being there to try to solve everybody’s problems. That may be in good faith, but again there has got to be a limit, a sensible selfishness that helps you to ward off others who always want other people to wash their dirt on their behalf. This is often a form of ‘friendly exploitation.’ To help a colleague to put their house in order when it is in a mess, literally is perhaps a good Christian thing for one to do for a brother, friend, neighbour. But to do it every day, all the time, is complete crap. However close one is to someone else, friendship or relations should be a give and take for either party, not one giver and one taker always. And that is where a respectful No comes in. Without being harsh we should be able to put our No across and explain ourselves without the fear that we will injure our good relationships with people, businesses, communities etc. For purposes of self preservation in the capitalistic society that we live in, be careful of friends in need who are friends indeed and keep away friends who only make that rare call when they are in trouble. This is because you are their emergency solution to all their problems at no cost to them while they are the constant headache, the people who keep you in your place because you have to help out ‘good friends always”. This Sunday, practice how to say no. kelviod@yahoo.com