Diaspoman: When a miracle turned red wine into H2O

There was a time when miracles happened before our very own eyes. It was during the mid 90s when Aggrey and I used to work at a certain NGO stationed somewhere in Gikondo. Those were the days when salaries were paid out in real US dollars. For us who used to work at NGOs, the pay was not that bad. We would get our greenish crispy cash dollars and exchange them for Rwanda francs. Then the drinking would follow until our pockets started to weep out in shame. Anyways, it was during one of those days when a real miracle happened. Yes, the miracle that we witnessed was quite similar to the one in the bible when several litres of water were turned into wine! That was at a wedding ceremony way back! In our case though, we saw a whole bottle of wine transform itself into serious drinking water! That was a miracle indeed. You see, our expatriate boss who used to spend most of his working hours snoozing in his tent, also used to love the bottle of wine all the way from Italy. Once in a while, he would invite Aggrey and me for a meeting in his tent. Then he would pop up a bottle of red wine and pour the contents in our glasses. We would sip the drink and proceed with our meetings. On some other days, he would reveal his mean side and totally refuse to share with us. So, for us, we would occasionally sneak in behind him and steal some of his wine. He never used to notice that his drink was dwindling very fast. All he had to do was to place several orders of his favourite wine all the way from Italy. The cartons would arrive in all sizes. Aggrey and I continued to enjoy these free services for a long time. Whenever we were invited for a Friday evening party, Aggrey and I would endeavour to smuggle a bottle of red wine from our boss’s tent. At the party, we were usually recognized as the consistent wine deliverers. They enjoyed our company so much that they always created some reasons for throwing parties. Usually, our chicks would announce about 3 different birthday dates per year. On one such occasion, my so called girlfriend sent us a message that she had a special birthday party on that Friday. She wanted us to attend this special event. I refer to her as the so called girlfriend because I was never quite sure whether she was mine. This is because she was always hanging out with guys who looked suspicious to me. Every time I confronted her about the issue, she always claimed that they were just cousins Hmmm. Anyway, Aggrey and I confirmed that we would attend the birthday party. But since we happened to be quite broke at that time, we could not afford a gift. So, we decided that I would pack a bottle of red wine and present it to my darling in form of a birthday gift. As usual we had to find a way of smuggling the bottle from the tent. But without our knowledge, our pipe smoking expatriate boss had picked some of the empty red wine bottles and filled them with drinking water. It was during the dry season and so he was always in need of drinking water. That is why he collected the empty bottles and proceeded to fill them with water. It seems he subscribed to the idea that water is life! So, when Aggrey and I sneaked into his tent to steal a bottle of wine, we never knew that some of the bottles were filled with water from the Nyabugogo River. As the boss snored away, we picked 2 bottles and rushed out. We dashed to town and ensured that the bottles were properly and professionally wrapped in wonderful gift-ish materials. So, on the birthday function, I majestically marched to my darling and gave her a real hug. I then offered her my special gift. I said; “Darling, you know you are so special to me. That is why I have brought you this special gift.” The crowd of party animals clapped and cheered me on. Then it was time for her to open up and display her gift. Out came 2 huge nice looking bottles of red wine. The only dilemma here was that the red wine had done a minor miracle to itself. The red wine had suddenly turned colourless. With suspicious looks from all corners, my girlfriend opened the bottles. They were full of water! “What is this? Are you here to mock me in front of all these guests?” She then dropped the bottles down and run away crying. As for Aggrey and I, we just stayed behind marvelling at the super miracle in which wine had turned itself into water….. diaspoman@yahoo.com