An open letter to Mum

Don’t think I am mistaken, I very well know that Mother’s Day passed sometime in May. Unfortunately, it passed without me noticing and my Mum -Charlotte Karemera- missed out on a message from her beloved son (have to wait for her birthday although will have to confirm with her, what date is her birthday). Am sorry Mum. Anyway, this time I would like to pay her tribute by asking each one of you that has got a mother and who at one point had one (R.I.P to those that passed on) to ask yourself this question: What’s the most important thing your Mum has ever or ever told you? It’s a question that some people can answer easily, and without much hesitation. But for others, including myself, the question may be as hard to answer as mother is to define. After all, how do you narrow down to one sentence the contribution of a woman with such wisdom and natural virtue and understanding and common sense? How do you decide what one thing your mother said to you in your lifetime that had the most thoughtful impact on your life? Most mothers become legends in the eyes of their sons because of the absolute love they show and the advice they give. Got a problem? The nearest person is a mother. She’s got the answer. And if she didn’t have the cure for our plight, she always has something in the medicine cabinet of her mind that would at least soothe the pain. Through academics and sports, relationships and friendships, our mothers have offered priceless counsel to us for every situation whether good or bad that we’ve found ourselves in. And a mother, by her very nature, never stops teaching, never considers her baby boy too old, too educated, too successful to drop some old-school, down-home knowledge on him. Many times that knowledge came in the form of sayings that she always uses, sayings that she has picked up from her parents, or through simply living life. These sayings became a part of our lives, words of wisdom that through the years have stayed fresh in our minds. From kindergarten to fatherhood, and every point in-between, we would refer to these phrases time and time again to help us make it through the ups and downs and pitfalls of life. It doesn’t matter if her mentor or her mother, Mandela or Obama first said the phrases. They never use them as effectively as a mother does. She is the ultimate phrase flipper, clause constructor, the only person in the world who knows exactly what to say and when to say it. It is her who first told us that worrying never changed anything, because what’s done is done. And it is only because of her that we know how to take the bitter with the sweet, to never say never and that a will and a way are the ultimate running buddies. Mother has set us on the right path by encouraging us to set high standards for ourselves. She has raised us single-handedly to be winners, while at the same time, preparing us for our inevitable disappointments in life. “Hope for the best but expect the worst” was one of her favorite sayings. “Impfubyi y’umvira murusaku” was another. Wherever she gets them from is still a mystery. Our mothers gave us courage by telling us that if we ventured nothing, we would gain nothing, and that we would get out of life what we put into it. She has given us humility by telling us that, “What goes around, comes around” and “you win some, and you lose some.” It is through her words that we have learned that we can’t get blood from a mineral water bottle, that money never grows on trees, that a square peg can’t fit into a round hole, that a silk purse can’t be made out of a nylon, and that we can’t have milk unless we buy the cow (my favourite). She has always told us to keep a tight upper-lip, a mind that’s open and flexible, a chin that is up, our head above ourselves, our nose to the core, our eyes on the prize, our moral sense clear and our friends close, but our enemies closer. Through her words we have learned that it takes two to tango, one to know one, and that six of one is the same as a half-dozen of another. She has told us not to change what is better for what is good, told to fight and be expensive and respectable, never put off until tomorrow what can be done today, and never bet our money on another man’s game. Oh, and her classic: “Never trouble trouble ‘til trouble troubles you.” Stay with me. This lady is a genius in her own league. She has taught us that it’s easy to kick a person when he’s down, and easier to start something than to finish it. She told me that if I can’t say something nice, then I don’t say anything at all; if we couldn’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen; if we want something done right, then do it ourselves, and if we wanted to hit the mark, we must aim a little above it. She teaches us that every cloud has a silver lining, every person has his price, every picture tells a story, and every dog has its day. Through mama’s wit, we have learned to live and let live, to live and learn, and that sometimes it was good to just leave well enough alone, and let sleeping dogs lie. At some point in every son’s life, Mum suggested that he go back to the basics, go back to the drawing board, go back to square one, and go back to the odd job; not all at one time of course. With her, we know we can’t have our cake and eat it too, and that no one is going to give us anything. Or as she put it: “You’ve got to earn respect and earn things yourself.” Although at the time and up-to-now some of her sayings sound like Chinese, it doesn’t matter. If she said or says it, it was and is the truth because she said it was. And while we now know that life’s answers can’t always be found in a catchy phrase, the many sayings she expounded are just the unpretentious guidance we needed then when our problems were relatively simple and continue to appreciate now in our more complex world. When it’s all said and done, the Karemera family would be where it is if she hadn’t said those words back then and up-to-now. And to all the ladies and gentlemen out there, I guess you know too well that it would have been hell if mother didn’t say what she said back then or what she says now. jeav202@yahoo.com