Jobseeker’s Diary

I suffer from Thanatophobia, which is the fear of death or dying. As far back as I can remember, I’ve always been asking God to grant me a long life. I also ask Him to do the same for everyone I know, especially my family and friends. Over the years, I’ve had some really bad dreams where someone I know dies and I wake up in a cold sweat. I always feel such a sense of relief upon realising it was just a dream and I pray it stays that way for a long time. There’re also nights I just can’t sleep because I keep getting this creepy feeling that I might die in my sleep. So I play some music or watch TV on those nights. Over the years, I’ve realized that there are triggers for my dreams. It’s usually when I’m really stressed or worried about something. The other cause is learning of the death of someone I know. But it could also be a famous person or a tragedy involving ordinary people. This week, it was a double trigger, in the form of Amy Winehouse’s passing and Anders Behring Breivik’s shooting spree. Everyone who knew Amy, including her own parents, knew it was only a matter of time but her death is still sad news. It’s a different story with the deaths in Norway. Innocent people trapped on an Island with a murderer, not knowing if they would make it or not. The story is chilling, especially the part where he reportedly shot his victims twice just to make sure. I keep thinking that it could have been anyone. I’ve read many of the survivors’ stories and I know it will take a long time for them to get over that shocking experience, especially those who lost their close friends. I saw some pictures of the killer and I was disturbed by the smirk on his face. God I felt like slapping some sense into him. Does he even know how many people he killed? I always wonder why such people even get a shot at defending themselves, especially when there’s no doubt they committed the crime. This guy should just be locked up instead of wasting taxpayers’ money on a trial. And who would want to represent him anyway? I know at the end of the day even dirty jobs have to be done by someone but I wish rapists, defilers and murderers didn’t get lawyers to defend them. Already, Behring’s lawyer is playing the insanity card. I get so angry when people do this. The man planned his attack to the last detail and had documents stating his angst. Doesn’t sound insane to me. His father said he wished his son had turned the gun on himself. I disagree because now, he gets to be punished and I hope he stays locked up for the rest of his pathetic life. Problem is the jails in the developed world are nothing like those we know. Prisoners get to watch TV, eat nice food and other perks people like Behring don’t deserve. It’s said he might get 21 years. I think he should get life. I’m a Christian and I know what the Bible says about forgiveness but this man is not even sorry. So here’s my judgement. Solitary confinement for the rest of his life. He shouldn’t be granted conjugal visits because then, he might have children and since he killed other people’s children, he should be denied the same. Besides, it wouldn’t be fair to the children who would have to bear their murderous dad’s stain for the rest of their lives. To be continued... nsophie77@yahoo.com