“When Afande Saved Me”

As the Kiswahili saying goes, “Dawa ya Motto, ni Motto”, simply translated as, “the medicine for fire is fire”, maybe this adage bears a lot of credence in many circumstances. Some people literary justify it that, if there was a potentially huge fire burning up part of a forest, then the fire-fighters would rush ahead of the fire and set up small and controlled fires to create some clearances and when the huge fire got to the clearance, it would obviously die out! I do not want to be misconstrued to be an arsonist of any kind! The other day, as I was driving from Kigali to Gisenyi (a.ka. Rubavu), a location about 165Km southwest of Kigali; I was held up on a Friday evening traffic jam for nearly two hours such that, by the time I hit the road again, it was threatening to get to eight o’clock at night. I set off fine and drove past Rulindo and the famous Nyirangarama a.k.a. Sina Gerard, with no event. Somewhere there, I all of a sudden came across a Traffic Police Road Block; I almost drove past it because it was not all that visible due to the mist at night. The guy manning it demanded for my “Perime” which he pocketed despite my numerous pleas for lenience since I had not over shot the road block. He wasn’t listening to my rubbish but was threatening to “contrevation” me when my phone suddenly rung! Guess who was on the other side of the line? It was none other than the Diaspoman, he was looking for me everywhere because cash had eluded him and he was about to miss on his daily dose of ARMSTEL. When drunk, he calls himself AFANDE, a title he earned in the UNAMIR days, maybe because he used to be in the company of Afande Niko more often than not! Don’t the English say that birds of a feather flock together? We have all gotten accustomed to calling him “AFANDE”, by reflex, I shouted into my phone, “yes Afande, I am on the way to Gisenyi, and can I call you back when I get there”. After the call, the Policeman looked at me and then handed me back my “Perime” and off I went. This reminded me of a friend of mine who got caught up in a similar but nastier situation. The guy known as Amos, was an Accounts officer in one Company in Kigali. One Friday night as he was enjoying his beer, his phone rang, without even bothering to see who was calling, he pressed the yes button and shouted into the Mic, “Which Idiot is this calling me at this day and hour?” The voice on the other line answered, “Do you know whom you are talking to? I am the Chief Executive Officer (CEO) of the company you work for!” The worst had come, all the booze that he had been drinking the whole evening, evaporated and he sobered up in less than a minute! Never underestimate the power of quick thinking; this is true for people who have less blood in their alcohol! He shouted back at the so called CEO, “Man, do you know whom you are calling?” The phone line quickly went dead! Seems the caller was not sure of who owned the number he had just called! Before encompassing himself in a long talk that could probably cost him his job, PRADO and the likes, he thought it wise to hang up. Maybe he was calling someone VIP! Mfashumwana@fastmail.fm