Rachel’s Ramblings

From as far back as my memory can stretch, women have never been the ones to approach a guy. From the skyscraping buildings of New York City to the wildness of the Amazon, all the way down to our siblings in the Khalahari Desert this has been the way of things. That is not the case today. We now embrace a new era where men no longer rule the world; an era where women have a say in almost every aspect of life. As much as some men have regarded women who make the first move as bold and desperate, others are actually impressed by it. Our African culture has diligently taught us that women do not pursue men and other things related to that. They call it respecting oneself. But as the times and generations change, more women are learning to take charge of things they never thought they could a century back; why should it be shocking that a woman can ask a guy out on a date? To be perfectly honest, it takes a lot of guts and, a few glasses of wine, for a woman to step up to a guy and ask him out. For all you know, this man might not appreciate your very bold move and end up insulting you instead! But then again, you could take the risk and start what could be the best thing that ever happened to you. Life is all about risks, so we have been told. Some work in our favor and others just don’t. What happened to independence and being a go getter anyway? Besides, several men are always talking about gold diggers yet these very men are scared to death of dating an educated sister who makes more money than they do. What other choice is left for her than to create her own destiny. It’s not even just about asking a guy out on a date. If say, he actually did ask you out first and you had dinner and literally saw your future in his eyes, what is wrong with picking up the phone and calling him first to schedule another date? Some women are under the impression that if a man wants to see her again he will call. Did it ever occur to you that your silence tells him you’re not interested either? I’m not saying you should weaken his phone battery with your calls but it seems pretty reasonable to call him up after a couple of days and ask how’s he’s doing. Jennifer at 28 years says men these days like to be chased after even though they act like they don’t. “Men enjoy the fact that a woman is interested in them because they didn’t have to lift a finger at all. They might come off like its bothering them but deep down they love every bit of it,” she argues. Tracy Rukwiza on the other hand, begs to differ. “Men do not like that at all. In fact, they get revolted because no man wants a woman who can’t respect herself like that,” she says. “It has and always will be the man’s job to make the first move,” she believes. Rukwiza blames Western influence on society changes and feels that the West has literally swallowed up African culture. “Women watch too many movies and end up getting influenced by them. The ones who live abroad admire the carefree nature of others and adopt it,” retorts Rukwiza. However, I don’t believe anyone or anything should be blamed for something that seems so harmless. Apart from crushing your self-esteem after a guy tells you his mind as he swings in another direction, what is the worst that could happen? Nothing. This instead builds your confidence. The simple truth is that some women find it silly waiting around for a man to approach them when they can go well ahead and do it themselves. Rejection has never killed anyone. If you can’t handle rejection save yourself the rope and chair, and just wait patiently to be asked out! At the end of the day, we are all different; how you chose to do things regarding your life is completely up to you and none of anyone’s business. rachelgaruka@yahoo.co.uk