“The World Ending on May 21, 2011”

Of late, many strange things have been going on around our lives. Before we knew what was going on, the likes of Ben Ali, M-Baraka had been swallowed up in what is known as an Arab uprising, and then came the price of petrol shooting up. No love lost; what really make many people, especially the likes of Diaspoman and I talk day in day out, isthe fact that, we are getting more or is it less and less substance in our bodies, instead, the quantities of “blood” in our alcohol is rising alarmingly higher and higher! One of these days, some of us are gona collapse because of having more substance X than substance Y in our so called plasma (not the TV)! If nothing is done, we could lose our minds sooner than latter! To some of us, it is a situation of a double tragedy; imagine having the price of one of your favourite substances going up! As if that is not bad enough, another complementary substance’s price goes up too! This is what is happening now. First rose the prices of Petrol, then those of Beers have also gone up. The other day, I went to one of my favourite joints for a “throat wash”. On arrival, I went straight for the counter,what do I see? The menu (sorry, I had not come to eat or drink the menu) among other things indicated some not so legible figures. At first, I thought that my sight was failing me, how was I supposed to function on an empty head? I ordered for an ARMSTEL (this always comes in twins) so that I could wash the clouds off my blurred sight! I was mistaken, having cleared my sight with a very cold ARMSTEL double, the reality dawned on me; the price of my “daily bread” (read drink) had gone up too! If only he would come today, all our worries would be a thing of the past. You might be wondering as to whom I am talking about, of course the one and only Messiah who once saved the guest at a wedding party by averting an intending drought and causing a rain of “wine” (no blasphemy intended). Yah, this reminds me of a good for nothing old man that was telling everybody that, sijui the world was gona end on 21st May 2011. Now that his theory turned out to be mere hot air, what next does he and the likes of him have down their sleeves? I suppose we toast to him (not the false prophet) for keeping us alive and hope that, he comes back pretty soon so that he can save us from the likes of BRALIRWA, BRARUDI, EABL, etc, who specialise in converting water into “wine” and selling it at an unaffordable price. Why can’t they follow the master’s example, he never sold even a drop of that delicious stuff! mfashumwana@fastmail.fm