Old Bachelor: THE THINGS WE DO…

We, the male species, are amazing creatures. The things that we do just to become a little more desirable to the females are silly at best, quite painful at worst. Case in point my New Year’s resolution to lose the beer belly and the waif-like arms. This resolution wasn’t a bolt from the sky. It was actually brought about by one lady friend who, quite guilelessly, sweetly remarked many months ago, “you’d be quite a catch if only you weren’t so big!” Well, if that wasn’t waving a red flag to a bull I don’t know what was! I mean, I wasn’t really that overweight; I had a hard earned beer belly and man boobs but that was it! According to this female, who I had (and still have) a crush on, I would be prime boyfriend material if only I lost a spare tire or four. Well, last year I was lucky enough not to have to hit the gym because with impeccable timing after crushing my self esteem decided, she that she’d go to the States. Sadly for the Bachelor, she’s coming back this year and I’m afraid to have her see me with the spare tires that I’ve added since we last saw each other last. My prospects would move from likely to “oh hell NO”! I write with as little movement as possible because I feel like I’ve been doing a few rounds with Mike Tyson. There should be a manual that instructs people like me about the dangers of hitting the gym and lifting weights for the first time! My arms suffer from such stiffness that it’s a wonder that I had the energy to lift a forkful of food into my mouth last night. I’ve not done a stint of jogging since 2002 so you can imagine how my legs felt after I ran a few laps around the campus stadium. Honestly, I didn’t think that I could get nauseous just from running. Don’t even ask me about my stomach muscles! Why am I suffering like this? Just because some random female, that I happen to like, has decided that she likes her men looking like mannequins. That’s just not me. But I’ll die trying. Contact: madogz2002@yaoo.ca