After tying a knot and making marriage vows, many couples sense that something changes. If love is like a flower that dies once picked, is marriage that ‘picking’ and does something die? Francine Mutesi, who has been married for six years, said that there is a mere change in expression and not a loss of love. “Some men usually lose that ‘honeymoon feeling’ way before the wife does. Men do love their wives, but after a year or two, the same man is not as affectionate as when he first married.” She continued that it does not mean they do not love their wives just as much as they once did. Mutesi said the problem is that women always expect their husbands to behave like during the dating phase/during honeymoon - showering her with love and affection. But for Jeanne Bureshyo, who is to marry in June, the changes come about due to the husband’s inability to handle the responsibilities that come with marriage. She said that when the husband does not help with bringing up the children, we feel neglected and claim their love has changed. However, Bureshyo attributed the changes to situations where the husband and wife do not spend enough quality time free from financial or responsibilities or children related discussion and free from criticism. “This causes both spouses to forget to keep the romance alive. They stop treating each other like they did before marriage. Everyday life adds on stress and obligations,” she continued. A university graduate who only disclosed her name as Faith said the problem is that after marriage, the husband starts treating his wife like a maid putting other people before his spouse. Thaddeus Kalisa, an unmarried barber, said that the reason love changes after marriage is not just a man thing. “Women change after marriage as well. It’s part of the nature of marriage.” He further said that many wives nowadays only get married for money; physical and mental attractions are not part of the reason. He explained that a lot of women believe marriage is cosiness by a camp-fire. “Well it’s not. It is all bout hard work!” “When some women realise that this is true, they are not happy and become hard to please, so a lot of guys give up even after making vows,” Kalisa ends. Rashid Babu, a lawyer who did not disclose whether married or not, said love can change in marriage for a number of reasons. “Sometimes you are not with the right person. People feel that they need to get married to this person because they have been with them so long and then realise they are with the wrong person,” he said. Paul Kaganda, a herdsman who has been married for 35 years, said love changes after marriage because most times, couples lose their way and the reason they got married in the first place. He continued that sometimes when a couple loses their way, it is hard to get back on track and if that happens nowadays, they try to seek a marriage counsellor to help with the issues. “If that doesn’t work then there is always making time to find out the real reason why it has fallen apart,” he adds. Appreciate that a relationship cannot always feel like a honeymoon. But when the spark seems to dim, remember why you married in the first place. nd while the spark might fade, there is no reason to let it go out. So keep the flame alive. Find time amidst hectic schedules to spend some time alone together. Gestures need not be wildly romantic, but remember to show your spouse you love them. It’s easier to forget than you’d imagine. Contact: eddiemukaaya@yahoo.com
