Are you wife material?

Redempta was not your ordinary university party animal. She had brains, beauty, decency coupled with good personality—everything any man would want in a girl. She had done everything possible to make Jean Paul propose but all was in vain. After dating him for seven years, she called it quits for he had never mentioned taking their relationship to another level. “Every time I brought up the subject of getting married and starting a family, he would tell me he wasn’t sure whether the two of us would handle the heat in marriage. He would then go behind my back and tell my friends that I wasn’t wife material. I loved him. I tried hard to impress him and bring out the wife material in me. But all was in vain,” recalls Redempta. Several women are struggling with the same issue. Men seem not to be bothered about marriage claiming that they are not sure their girlfriends would really make good wives. Well, at times a woman ought to take the blame for his not proposing and other times, a marriage was never meant to be. The aspect of being wife material is not all about dressing like a nun, cooking like a master chef and handling house chores flawlessly. Many times women try to perfect these qualities thinking that they will get him to propose. “Communication is vital for any relationship. A lady will never know what is stopping her man from proposing until they sit down and talk. There could be a few obstacles but they will never be resolved until they are discussed,” says Rosette Mbarushimana, a Marriage Counselor, wife and mother. Mbarushimana explains that women do not have to try hard to impress men. It’s always good to be oneself because sooner than later, the real you will pop out. Having two personalities doesn’t help. If a man loves you, it should be for who and what you are. “My husband and I dated for five years before we walked down the aisle. It bothered me a lot that he took so long to talk about marriage, yet we were madly in love for all those years. It wasn’t until I talked to him that he asked for my hand in marriage,” says Nadine Mugabe, a business woman in Kimironko. Mugabe admits that she loved partying, hated cooking, treasured her girlfriends and often went out with them. When she asked him why he never talked about marriage, he told her that it was because of these reasons that he was afraid to make her his wife. He said he loved her so much but she wasn’t wife material. According to Mugabe, sometimes you have to compromise and deny yourself the things that please you but annoy him. In her situation, it wasn’t until she gave up on partying and showed interest in cooking that he proposed. Brenda Nkurunziza is a 23-year-old married woman who says that every man could have a different opinion as to what ideal wife material is. However, she says that there are qualities that are key and rather basic such as discipline, respect, cleanliness, humility, decency and hardwork among many others. “If a lady possesses these traits then chances are, he will propose,” she said.“Sometimes women tend to think they are not wife material yet at times, it is the men that are not marriage material. If you have stayed long in a relationship, discussed marriage but he never seems interested, then it could be about time you moved on,” she added. The best advice for women who need to settle down is found at the hands of married women you admire. Why not pay a visit to counselors if need be. But most importantly communicate with your partner to sort out whether you are wife material and whether he is marriage material. mkaitesi@yahoo.com