Dr. Bird Hunter at your loyal service

Birds are funny creatures. That is why you find a millionaire’s daughter falling in love with her father’s chauffeur or the gardener. They have ridiculous tastes and preferences that make them hard to understand. There are some who like guys with ‘six pax’ while others like tall and skinny guys. Some even fancy midgets. I know of birds who would not talk to a hunter unless he was a soldier – whatever the rank. In my quest to understand their preferences, I stumbled on a bird who melts in the knees at the sight of a medical doctor. That is how I set up camp in Nyamijos where she likes to hang out with friends. My strategy was to pretend I was a real medical doctor. I went to the joint where I had gathered she likes to hang out. I waited until she arrived before I sat down and beckoned a bar maid for orders. But before I could make any orders, I asked her whether the Ministry of health had inspected the place for cleanliness. She answered in the affirmative and I proceeded with making my order of a soda as my friend ordered for a cold beer. As agreed, he started asking me whether it was one of my many patients I was talking to on phone (to the benefit of the bird of course). I told him that it was one of the rich shots in town whom I had operated on the previous day and was calling to thank me because he was feeling much better. The bird across the table had forgotten all about her friends and was all ears, listening to whatever we were saying. I took the chance to give a lengthy account of how I do ‘medical check-ups’ on people and find that they were just too lucky to have come to me because had they spent another week, it would have been too late. From the corner of my eye I could see the bird itching to join in our conversation but for one reason or another, could not. She was virtually restraining herself from joining our table. I knew exactly how to handle the situation. I added in another killer. I said that in most people I see on the street I know for sure that they have a health problem they are concealing which if diagnosed early enough would save their lives. Instead of her walking to our table and saying “excuse me, can I join you please,” she instead stood up and made for the ‘ladies.’ Birds!!Well, when she came back, she looked like she had something bothering her mind. She went back to her sit, but this time she exchanged with one of her friends so that she sat looking directly at us. Only this time I employed the come-and-get-it style in the book of bird hunting. I pretended to be thinking deeply, of course about ‘medical issues’ and new researches. It is then that my friend asked me, whether if he came to see me I would have time to check him without having to queue. I said it would depend on how busy I would be at the time. But I promised that I would call him and have him thoroughly checked up. “Excuse me, are you a medical doctor?” the bird had finally fallen in the trap and it was now for me to extract it and walk home with it!! She had gathered all her courage and talked to the ‘doctor.’ “Well, do I look like a witchdoctor to you,” I shot back with a package of an ‘intellectual’ smile. My smile definitely broke the ice and she went ahead and opened her heart, looking humbled by my humility, in spite of being such a ‘high profile personality’. She then started talking about how the profession must be demanding, rigorous and all. I told her that it only asked for commitment, honesty and intellect. Well before I could tell her about how I started off as a very talented gynecologist, she had persuaded her friends to join our table. She came so close to me and the conversation now ceased to be ‘an open lecture on medicine and the medical profession’ and then progressively turned into a one-on-one class. It is then that she told me she would really like to be meeting me often so that she would feel healthy always. I told her that it would be my pleasure to make her heart happy and healthy, always. This earned me a very passionate peck on the cheek. Ends