Bird Hunter writes protest letter to Mark Elliot Zuckerberg

As I was telling you last time before I went offline, the winds of change have swept me off my feet and dumped me into the unfamiliar jungle of modern communication tools otherwise known as Social Media. Within a short time of using Mark Elliot Zuckerberg wonder tool called facebook (when I learnt that the creator of this tool is young enough to be my baby brother, I constantly feel ashamed) I have been able to collect a big number of friends, majority of them are birds – to be precise, its only Tonto and five other people who are not birds. Since the discovery of this tool I have hardly been able to use my computer for anything else apart from facebook. I have been ‘updating my status’ every other hour and chatting with whoever is online – you can guess the topic of discussion going on the chat. I have been able to put name and picture to face on several occasions and everything has been going on fine. I had forgotten all about ‘offline’ hunting until I recently discovered the other side of online hunting.There is this bird with whom I have been chatting with on several times but have never been able to meet and find out whether her profile picture was an authentic presentation of how she looks in real life. I have been asking her for a date but even when she would accept, she would cancel at the last minute giving funny excuses. This led me to become suspicious. To make matters worse, she has constantly refused to give me her phone number saying it was stolen at Rubangura house. I even offered to buy her a karasharamye but she declined the offer saying she does not take gifts from strangers. I asked her why the hell she doesn’t bloody show up so that we can get to know each other better and eradicate the ‘stranger’ tags from our relationship. She again declined to honour my invitation in spite of the fact that she was always the first one to post nice comments on my status whenever I posted any.I vowed to leave no stone unturned until I found out who she is and why she wants to keep in the background like a ghost. Using my IT expert contacts, I was able to find out the server from where she connects from and through this, I was able to trace her to a cyber café in town. I had realized that her messages came in always at 10am or thereabouts. I went and pitched camp at the cyber café ready to pounce on her and confront her at around that time. As I waited looking out for a bird that looks like the one I saw on facebook, suddenly I saw Tonto sauntering in and sitting at one of the unoccupied computers and started surfing away. I did not want him to see me because I did not want to tell him my mission. After waiting for hours without success, I decided to quit the mission and try another day. As I was going out, I decided that there was no harm in ‘hollaring’ at my buddy Tonto since the mission had aborted anyway. He was concentrating on whatever was on his computer screen so I went quietly and stood behind him trying to find out what was making him concentrate – had he won a jackpot, or what? As I stood there I was shocked to see that he had a Facebook page open, and the profile picture was that of the very bird that had made me lay siege at the cyber café. He was using the page to write in reply to my message. I put two and two together and uncovered the mystery of the bird who has always turned down my requests. The mysterious ‘bird’ was actually no one else but Tonto KK. All the time I have been chatting and saying all those nice things it was Tonto receiving them on the other end using a fake profile. I don’t understand where he got the picture of the good looking bird. I waited for him to write the rather long message and send it before I made my presence known. After sending he smiled cheekily and made to look around with satisfaction. Then his eyes met mine and he almost jumped out of his skin. He made vague excuses but I said I did not excuse him for that. I told him I was going to write to the one and only brain behind facebook and request him to kick Tonto off Facebook for good and also ask him to devise ways of discouraging people from using fake profiles to deceive others. Email: brdhunter6@gmail.com