The Hater

I hate people who… …always ask me about football game scores. I wonder whether to some people I look like a football referee. Don’t you just hate it when a stranger with suspended thinking abilities decides to ask you the score between Manchester United and Everton FC? Is it my duty to broadcast events that happen miles away from here? Is it really my fault that you cannot afford a DStv package to watch these games each weekend? Why then do you have to bother me with such silly questions at a time when I am thinking of what I should have for supper and lunch the following day? Try Google search not me. …insist on having their name on donated items. Some people invest time and money in doing really stupid things without even knowing it. Don’t you just hate it when someone donates to you something and insists that you go telling everyone where it came from? That is why I hate whoever is responsible for writing stupid things on cars saying, “Donated by USAID, Donated by the Swiss government or Donated by UNCHR.” What if we all started wearing shirts written on, donated by Uncle Simon or donated by my mother? If you have decided to give me something then there is no point in me advertising your (cheap) generosity. …jump the queue as if other people do not matter. I bet you all understand the agony of having to stand in a long and slow moving queue to get a service. These days you are likely to find very long lines of people waiting for taxis to Kimironko, Nyamirambo, and Remera. As you painfully wait, a joker shows up with a flimsy excuse asking for space in front of you. Does he really think we don’t want to go home? Or does he think we were waiting for him all along? If at all he is in such a hurry to get home, why not jump on any of the numerous motorcycles. Actually if it is space he is looking for then I suggest you remind him that there is plenty of space at the back of the line. …call me and ask me to guess who has called. The way some people behave on the phone is simply a sign of backwardness. I just hate it so much when someone calls me and has the guts to ask me to guess who has called. Do you really think I am actually in the mood of participating in a voice quiz? This is my phone and I use it to communicate not to identify voices of former girlfriends and lost friends. If you cannot identify yourself then why do you think I should do it for you? And by the way are you even offering me any prize for guessing? If not then I suggest you try your talents elsewhere. …ask birthday celebrants about a party or cake. Oh by the way, I recently celebrated my birthday although I am yet to confirm from my mother how old I am exactly. It was nice to read the very many lovely messages congratulating me for surviving death for another year. The only thing I hated was people asking me about a party. Others were asking me for a cake? Now what is all this? Do I look like World Food Program to any of you? I am just a year older not at a cake shop or at any party. If you want a cake then I suggest you go to a shop and ask for one. After all I do not own a bakery. If such people continue to bother me with such questions then I may be forced to ask the government to make my birthday a national secret so that I can grow in peace. Let me help you hate by sending your suggestions to thehater2009@gmail.com or a text message to +250 788 545293