During the mid 90s, Aggrey and I lived a modest but decent life. Thanks to the dollars that we used to earn from our expatriate boss who run a certain NGO in the outskirts of Gikondo. Our decent lifestyle meant that we somehow attracted friends who were ready to squeeze the few dollars out of us. Some female friends got so serious that they became some sort of chain keepers. Well, in the process, Aggrey and I gained a girlfriend each. The only trouble we had with these girlfriends is that they were so possessive. This meant that our girlfriends insisted on going with us everywhere we went. In fact, even when we happened to be dancing away at the famous Black and White discotheque, our chain keepers always trailed us all the way to the toilets. Never mind whether the toilets were stinking or not! They always followed us. This habit became a bit nagging. That is why we started to dodge them in the name of ‘meetings’. Whenever Aggrey and I had an appointment somewhere, we told our chain keepers that we would be busy in a meeting at our offices. As you know, our offices were in a form of a huge tent. Anyways, the chicks were so stubborn that they insisted on waiting for us at the NGO compound. After the so called meetings, Aggrey and I would sneak back to Gikondo and pretend to emerge out of the tent. From there our chicks would demand that we take them to Zanzibar for a few rounds of red wine. Do not be mistaken when I mention the word Zanzibar! No way, it was not the original Zanzibar situated at the Indian Ocean. Instead Zanzibar was a popular drinking joint at the rich end of Kiyovu. At Zanzibar, we would proceed to squander all our cash until the pockets began to panic and shiver with shame. One day, Aggrey and I were invited to a party where students from Butare University would be in attendance. It was a bachelor’s party and guys were promising themselves to have a super great night of dancing and merry making. But knowing that our girlfriends were possessive, Aggrey and I made a big decision; we were not going to attend the party with them! IBAZE! All those chicks from Butare University! This was a chance to mingle with these very attractive students who were as free as birds. If we were to go along with our nagging girlfriends, we would be deprived of serious optical nutrition. So, Aggrey and I hatched up a plan. We decided that we would both fall sick and stay in bed. The sickness that we created was called mumps. This is a highly contagious disease which turns your face into a roundish ball. The traditional medicine for such diseases is that one smears himself with soot! This ensures that the patient looks like a baboon, black and round! We then assured our chicks that we had caught this terrible disease from the Gikondo and we were shivering in our beds “Please do not come near us otherwise you will follow suit!” But the ladies insisted that since they were so much in love with us, they had to visit us and watch from a distance. OK! We were forced to fine tune our plan. This meant that we had to hire 2 house boys and smear them with the soot. We told them to tuck themselves under the blankets and make sure that they didn’t reveal their true identities. As for us, we fled of for the bachelors’ party! Later that night, our chicks came to our house to check on their patients. Indeed the houseboys were in bed shivering with their funny looking faces smeared with soot! They whispered to the ladies about their sickness and warned them against coming closer. Engulfed by pity, our ladies decided to leave us alone and find something else that would distract them from this misery. So they decided to attend a serious party in town. Ooops! This happened to be the same party that we had gone for! And there we were guzzling booze like there was no tomorrow! Our chain keepers approached the dancing floor and were shocked to see their 2 sick guys performing a ‘paka chini’ stint. Indeed, we had been caught red handed. Sanctions followed for the next 3 months… diaspoman@yahoo.com
