Bird hunter invades facebook hunting ground

Facebook is the best thing that has ever happened since the creation of the world. I am not kidding. Perhaps it’s because I have just discovered Facebook? Well, it doesn’t matter because new or not, Facebook is the hub of birds. It’s the giti cyinyoni proper, forget about the other one at the junction to the West and Northern provinces where despite the name you will never see a tree or bird. Only policemen manning a roadblock – and I have never seen a bird cop at that roadblock. That apart, I happened to join Facebook by chance and I will tell you that I am not regretting. It was my friend Seleman who initiated me into the secret world of Facebook. When I visited him at his place last Sunday, I found him smiling from ear to ear as he typed away on his old LapTop. When I went to look close, there was this tiny window that had popped up on the far right of his screen and a page with a photo of a bird wide open. I asked him who the bird was and he told me “just a Facebook friend.” I did not want to show my ignorance so I did not want to ask what Facebook was. Instead, I framed my question in a ‘more civilized way’. “How can I get into facebook” the answer was equally devastating because it came in form of a question. “You guy, you mean you are not on FB already? You are living centuries back!” Well, I did not mind the attack, as long as the brat showed me how to get on FB or whatever other abbreviations they want to give it. He did accept. In a matter of minutes, I was a member of the FB family and for starters, I had to send out friend requests. As you have guessed, I sent out hundreds of requests to birds whose locations I did not know. Seleman suggested some to me and I sent to them requests too. My profile picture had to be one that attracts birds and I know what attracts them. Tonto is a graphic design geek, so I asked him to doctor my profile picture so that I can look taller, muscular and with severe facial features – in essence, I wanted to look more like 50-cent. I left such details as ‘relations’, date of birth, and area of residence blank. This is what I put as my wall status “Don’t follow me, I am lost too.” Well, I know some basics of law so this serves as my defence. If it happens that someone follows me due to FB and gets hurt, they should not say I did not warn them. But of course I am not saying that I am going to warn anyone that there are high chances of being heartbroken if they happen to decide to play games off FB. Well, the next day after trying hard to remember my pass word and finally succeeding to open my page, I was shocked. At the top of the page there were four red bubbles which upon consulting with Seleman, I was made to understand that these were messages, friend requests and confirmation of friendship requests sent out the previous day. When I clicked on the confirmation bubble, a list dropped down with a message saying “so-and-so has accepted your friend request….” I started the laborious ritual of saying ‘thank you’ to all those who had accepted my request so that they would know I am alive and real. Most of the birds had pictures on their profiles and I started checking out their albums and profile photos. Most birds were fair, but then what do you expect? Birds are not stupid to upload a picture on FB without making sure it is their ‘Sunday Best.’ Anyhow, after my tour of the albums, I finally held my breath. A bird calling herself Mary Magdalene was among those who had accepted my friend request. I think a consultant must have advised her to use the name because it was quite appropriate for her. She looked every inch like the mother of Jesus of Nazareth in spite of her dark skin colour. I wrote what I thought about this, because in my philosophy, I would rather be strangled by the one I tell something rather than be strangled by that something by holding it back. She looks innocent like the mother of Jesus and I am sure that is why in reply to my message, she only said “thank you for please.” I would like to explore how deep the innocence goes, so help me Jesus. brdhunter6@gmail.com