TRUE MAN With Shem Mugisha : Dealing with her ex-boyfriend baggage

Most guys have dated girls whose previous relationships were total disasters. While some women are able to recover, move on and start afresh, most of carry on the baggage of their previous relationship into the new one. Then, it’s the new boyfriend who gets punished for the crimes her ex committed. For starters, it is a not exactly accurate to think that a woman wants a guy who will treat her well. There is something in the human gene that attracts us to danger and mystery, which explains why acting nice isn’t necessarily going to get everyone else to treat you well. Rather, you risk getting classified as a “nice guy”, harmless, and consequently get taken for granted. Do not be surprised if you lose that girl to a guy who is clearly no better than you. And then later, it is the same girl who will be complaining about how she cannot seem to find a good man. When a woman eventually lands on a good man, it is almost certain that she will carry with her that baggage from the last guy who broke her heart, and then the new guy suffers for the crimes of her ex-boyfriend. The easiest ways to avoid getting caught up in the baggage mess is to avoid being taken for granted from the word go. Be dependable and reliable. She will have no reason to get suspicions about you, no reason to classify you as a potential “bad-boy”. If she is not certain about you, she is likely to be flighty, unserious, and too suspicious to settle down. Don’t give her reason to ever say, “You men are all the same”, referring to you. Don’t rush her. No girl wants to jump from one bad relationship to another especially if she was hurt by her ex-boyfriend. She needs time to refocus and re-group. Being patient with her is one way of letting her deal with her ex-bf baggage without transferring it to you. You need to draw the line. You don’t have to be a push over, just because you want to make her life happier. If you procrastinate, you become more of her slave than her boyfriend. Maintain some mystery. Being predictable might seem like a very good idea, but girls are attracted to bad boys for a reason. They like the mystery, the independence, the spontaneity, the adventure, the risk. Keep your distance, show her you have your own life, and it does not revolve around her. Showing control over your affection for her will make her treat you with respect. She will not stress you with her ex-bf issues if you create the impression that you will not tolerate any of it. But at the end of the day, even though it might appear that the bad boys are winning over all the pretty girls, remember that all women outgrow those days when they want a bad boy for a boyfriend. Then, they desire the more dependable and reliable good guy. A little patience on your part and some determination will get you that pretty girl and a little firmness and will ensure that you don’t suffer for the crimes of her ex. shemmugisha@gmail.com