Testimony of a drug addict

My name is Moses Kasasira (not real names), I am 24years. I got into drugs at the age of 16 after being enticed by my friends. I thought it’s something I would do only when I wished or when I felt bored. I didn’t know this would turn into a disastrous habit later. Now I can’t get myself to sleep in the night before taking a sniff or puff. I curse the day I gave in to drugs because this has turned out to be life threatening and made me miserable. I started out on comparatively soft drugs like marijuana and meth, before making a transition to more sophisticated drugs like cocaine. I am always falling into a financial mess, though my parents send me a lot of money, as I have to spend most of it stocking these expensive drugs. My parents have sent me to different countries for rehabilitation and treatment for drug addiction, but no results have been produced. I usually sink into pangs of depression, shame and low self esteem, I feel my life is a total waste and a disappointment; even thoughts of putting my life to an end come to me. I can’t gather enough confidence to interact with the opposite sex or someone senior in age without stimulating myself with “the life givers” (this is my fond name for the drugs). Lately, I have lost interest in school; it doesn’t hold any meaning to me anymore. I only find delight in my drugs. My character has ever since shifted to a violent and aggressive one from a calm and cool one that it once was. I lose my temper so easily, expose my anger and rage to any one in my path, I also shout obscenities to anyone who cares to listen. Recently, I added another item on my list of addictions and that is pornography, I have made a marriage bond with it. I feel rejected and isolated, I lost almost all friends when they realized my life was wrapped up in drugs, I am now a loner. Some times, I wake up in the morning vowing to drop the habit, but before darkness falls in the evening, I desperately succumb to it again. Trouble seems to follow me every direction I take. I think I am meant to be a problem-child ! Sometimes I burst into tears crying in self- pity, my heart bleeds with pain. Will God ever deliver me from this wicked load (drugs)? Even if he does so, I don’t think I will ever forgive myself, I feel I am the worst sinner! Ends