Sorting fantasy from reality

A good number of people dive into marriage with their sense of reality distorted by love wishfulness and fantasies. Tying the knot wearing the love-goggles makes it easy to imagine how wonderful your future will be without allowing realistic foresight for the normal and even reasonable challenges that lay ahead. Each person in a relationship can create such detailed fantasies and paint a colored picture of how amazing their married life is going be; but these unrealistic expectations and fantasies soon create a gap between the partners and cause disappointments. A few months after saying, ‘I do’, couples get disappointed at their preconceived expectations of their spouses. For example many people think that when they get married, they will never be lonely, won’t have to worry about money anymore, or sex won’t be an issue. “Like they say, ‘love is blind and marriage is the eye opener’, a few Months into my marriage, I discovered that, marriage is not magical as I used to dream. I had to wake-up and also surrender the fantasy and embraced the reality,” said Uwineza Riziki, a 49-year-old mother of four who has been married for the past 17 years. “I knew what I wanted from my marriage and so, I didn’t blame my partner for all the mental pictures I had before. Deep inside I knew my man loved me and I also loved him so, I allowed my feet to touch the ground,” Uwineza said. Just as we do not always get things exactly the way we want them in other areas of life, it’s not surprising that even in marriage things are any different. Marriage isn’t like a new suit that you put on with every expectation of a perfect fit. Failing to get what is expected from spouses, is one reason why several men resort to spending hours in bars after work, or works long hours, not because they must do so for the sake of his job, but because he’d rather not have to communicate with his wife. Women opt to watch soap operas on TV all night, rather than doing something meaningful with their time.If you are planning to get married, before you exchange those vows, think soberly and clearly about your soon-to-be-spouse and what to expect from them and the marriage. Drop unrealistic expectations because failure to do so can make marriage harder than it already is on its own. If you want a long lasting marriage, surrender the fantasy and embrace the reality, let go of any romance novel or romantic movie expectations you have. Remember, lowered expectations and happily ever after go hand in hand. martin.bishop18@yahoo.com