The don’ts of choosing a partner

A failed love relationship or marriage leaves an eternal scar in your life. Some relationships are destined to fail even before they begin and neither God nor the devil causes failed relationships, but it’s the participants that fail to make the right choices, hence ending up with a million disappointments. Before building that relationship on sand, avoid the following mistakes made while choosing a partner. Hearsay and childhood dreams.The bible puts this right, “When I was a child, I thought and acted like a child, but not anymore.” Obviously every child dreams of marrying a movie star, a celebrity, an intellectual or an artist. And while teenagers read romantic novels, they simply can’t wait for their prince charming to show up riding on a white horse and shower them with love. Now that you are grown up, you have to choose a partner basing on reality and facts. This is a person you intend to spend the rest of your life with, so the choice should go beyond childhood dreams and how charming he or she looks, in front of your friends. Looks mean nothing.Looks cannot be underrated but it shouldn’t be the major quality for a life time partner. The rightful beauty should be that of the heart. Every year that goesby, beauty diminishes; this is when you find the once inseparable love birds badly fighting for a divorce. Focus on personality, intelligence, patience and all those basics that can make your love eternal. There is more to love than that beautiful smile. Being materialistic is a hazard.Modernity has exposed us to wallet based marriages. Before marrying the tycoon, take time to think; are you there for love or his wallet? Will you still adore him when he gets a huge financial hiccup? Save yourself the misery of spending the rest of your life sad, because you married for the wrong reasons and not love. Choosing a partner is personalWe have not seen the last of the African traditional society. Well, parents no longer choose partners for their children even though their dictation is a symbol of society’s values. Before jumping into the fire, know that marriage is a personal choice. A time will come when you will have to manage your own ups and downs while others go on with their lives minding their own business. You can’t change themReligious, economical, personal reasons are all differences found in any society and love alone cannot change everything. Also the fallacy of changing someone as old as you is a mistake. Many have gotten disappointed because they tried to change their spouse to what they will never be. It’s better to learn living with those differences than hoping that you can change them. It’s far better to look out for a person you have a lot in common than one who does not completely understand you. The list can go on and on, but what matters most is marrying for no other reasons other than love. lillianean@yahoo.com