Diaspoman : Why the “Gents” may not be quite friendly

This may sound quite odd but I must admit that there are some places that can save lives. For example, the “Gents” room is very useful for us people who are never confident of our finances. You see when you are out having fun with your date; you may find yourself sneaking to the “Gents” room to check the size of your pockets. That is why you keep asking the waiter to bring the bill – and as your date is busy chewing the roasted meat and guzzling untold liters of expensive drinks, your mind is meanwhile working faster than a calculator. You then dash to the toilet to check how much money is left in your pocket. Depending on the findings of such investigations, you could find yourself winding up the so called dinner or indeed call out for SOS. In my case, I tend to beep Aggrey from the toilet to inform him that I am in trouble. But a few months ago, I realized that the “Gents” room is not so friendly. My rather awkward experience happened in Kampala, where I had gone for a mini tour. I tried to upgrade my standards by visiting an expensive joint somewhere in Kampala. I was loaded with some cash, so I felt confident to hire a taxi driver to drive me around like a real tourist. The driver took me to this posh hideout and together we started to sip some cold beers as music rocked the place. All walks of life were coming in and out of the place. I think the driver sensed that I was loaded and that is why he decided to bring 2 nice looking ladies to join us at the counter. He then whispered to them in the local language. I could not catch all the words but it appears that the driver was saying “This time ladies, I have brought you a real muzungu from Kigali. If you fail to de-tooth this one, then I will give up on you. He is loaded with real dollars!” Wow, so this lousy driver was busy setting me up for Kampala de-toothers! I vowed not to be tricked! So I stayed alert as the 2 chicks joined us at the counter. I pushed my mobile phone down inside my pants! I also pushed my small remaining shilling notes into my socks. I was not going to be looted in this busy city. After ensuring that everything was intact, we resumed our small time talk and drink. The ladies acted innocent indeed. In fact they really surprised me when they chose to drink sodas! All along, I thought that they would order for expensive whiskies. I was prepared to let them guzzle as much whisky as they liked at their own risk. I was ready to flee the place and leave them stranded! I was already planning to de-tooth them! But when they ordered for sodas, I felt guilty. I knew for sure that these were innocent girls who just wanted to have company. So, I encouraged them to take some Tuskers on my account. We continued to converse and exchange information. They were eager to learn more about our beautiful Rwanda. So I poured my heart out as I heaped praise upon praise about Rwanda. Then I excused myself for a couple of minutes to go and ‘ease’ myself in the toilets. When I reached the Gents toilets, I was surprised to see the 2 ladies follow me inside! They removed their hair wigs. They removed their stiletto shoes. They removed their fake bras. OH GOSH, they were not girls! They were real men and here they were ready to show me dust. Within the next 5 minutes, these 2 guys had turned me upside and emptied all my contents including the phone from my panty and my cash from my socks. They slapped me around before dashing out leaving behind their fake female attire. I was cooked. I cursed as I promised myself to be more careful whenever I think of visiting the Gents! diaspoman@yahoo.com