Following the mega “Happy People” feast at year-end, I was able to make new friends from the Diaspora. I informed them that I once lived in the Diaspora and that I therefore, understood how they felt whenever they returned home. Their stay in Kigali has been so fabulous. They came loaded with all different tribes of cash. That is why we were able to guzzle as much booze as they could afford – until of course their pockets dried up! Phew! So, it was pay back time! That is how my new Diaspo chick cornered me into buying her dinner the other day! There is something quite strange about these Diaspo ladies. You see, they don’t want to ever hear you utter the name “Nyamirambo”. Whereas my weeping pockets yawn and zero down to the local pubs in Nyamirambo, these Diaspoladies always choose much expensive joints for their dinner. I had to swallow hard when she requested that we visit a certain new posh restaurant in Nyarutarama. I tried to convince her to chose “Nyamira” over “Nyaruta” but she simply jammed! Anyhow, I succumbed and took my new catch to “Nyaruta”. But instead of taking her to the new expensive joint, I branched nearby to a much cheaper pork selling joint in ‘Nyaruta’. This bar, that I had selected, had all the features of my favorite ‘Nyamira’ drinking holes. Since my lady didn’t know her way around Nyarutarama, she decided to trust in me as she pulled a chair to sit on. The waiter was there in a flash dressed in his typical white shirt, black trousers and a faded string-like necktie. The waiter sheepishly asked us for our orders. Ladies first of course! She looked up at the waiter and instead of ordering for a bottle of mineral water or koka ikonje, the lady proceeded to spell out a name of a drink which sounded very Greek. In the middle of her sentence were words like; cocktails, Beringer Blass, Wolf Blass, Yellowglen, Jamiesons Run, Castello di Gabbiano and many more different tribes. By the time she was through with her mini speech, I was smiling to myself secretly. As she wound up her long order, the waiter announced to her: “Madam, we do not sell such drinks here.” Wow, I rubbed my hands in glee; the lady came up with more demands. This time, she turned her attention to food. Instead of asking for a stick of brochette and chips, the lady looked up at the waiter and proceeded to ask this question; “Would you please bring me a plate of rice and prickles, some dried udon noodles plus noodle broth? Also add a deep fried pan with chicken in Basil cream sauce”. Once again, my good old waiter eyed the lady in a fashion to suggest that she had come all the way from Mars! At this point, the waiter politely told her to go try else where as they never served such dishes. “Madam, we serve chips and fish and sometimes ubugali n’isombe”. The Diaspo lady looked up at the waiter in a disgusted manner and proceeded to the next sensible thing that anyone would have done. She picked her handbag and walked out on me citing that she had never seen a real villager in her entire life…. diaspoman@yahoo.com
