Insights : HOW TO OVERCOME BEING DISLIKED

The power to overcome being disliked is very much within you. You are mainly to blame for any dislike that you blame people for. However, you can reverse the same positively by first and foremost examining faults in your behaviour. Then weigh them against complaints or personal conflicts with the loved ones and the people you interact with, and against the society’s normal standard code of behaviour. Many people who complain of not being liked by their parents, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, neighbours, workmates, spouses and the like usually lack decency or good manners. Some complain of being haunted by a spirit of rejection. They do so because of being naïve, ignorant or careless of the kind of behaviour expected of them at particular times with particular people during particular situations, events or functions. They lack appreciation and understanding of the same and usually do not see anything wrong with themselves. They always see others in the wrong for disliking them. Such people, some of them, lacked good parenting during their childhood, to be told or taught early enough, the dos and don’ts of life. Unfortunately, some of them lost their parents while they were very young and yet lacked good foster parents thereafter to train them the right way to grow and behave. Although some had parents during childhood, the parents themselves behaved indecently during most of their lifetime, without good manners. Therefore their present behaviour is like that of their parents, inherited from them. For which reason, they at the moment find it difficult to adjust to the rest of the society’s expectations at different levels, in marriage, neighbourhoods, at workplaces, places of worship and everywhere else, to say the least. Some have even resorted to witchdoctors for a solution but the situation has instead worsened. The self confessed committed Christians have even fasted month after month, seeking God’s intervention in their situation, to remove ‘the demon’ of being disliked or ‘spirit of rejection,’ to no avail. Decency Decency is behaving politely and carefully in a positively and morally accepted way by society. Choice of words when communicating to others to avoid hurting them is another way of decency; so is keeping time and promises. Therefore lack of decency is doing the opposite. Being impolite or careless or obscene or vulgar in the way one behaves and or communicates are indications of indecency. So is passing by neighbours or workmates or relatives without greeting them, when everyone around greets or at least waves, when in hurry, as a sign of greeting. One who does not do so is unfortunately disliked automatically. Quarrelling or complaining every time is another form of indecency. So is the habit of being absent from home everyday including weekends or for most of the time or coming back home drunk everyday, smelling alcohol like a brewery. Eating well at one’s workplace or hotel or restaurant when one’s family at home eats poorly is another form of indecency and a sin that makes such person before God worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8). For the sake of decency, you should even greet people who do not greet you unless they tell you not to. It contradicts wisdom for you to avoid greeting them in the hope that by so doing you make them to know how much offended you are and therefore aptly retaliating to cause them to start greeting you. Conversely, doing so will worsen the situation instead of improving it. You will unnecessarily put yourself in a meaningless psychological battlefield with your enemy or enemies. Whereas greeting them will make you perceived as a decent person and gradually convict your enemies to resume greeting you, retaliating will worsen the situation by making you look as foolish as they are. Another sign of lack of decency is being careless. Some people are disliked because of being careless or rough. They pass by people roughly stumbling on them or knocking them or roughly brushing shoulders with them through narrow passages or doors. Some bang doors they pass through or throw things down carelessly or make things fall or break when they should not. Some jump legs of seated people when passing by them or kick tables and stools they find on the way. Some step on clean carpets with mud in people’s homes or offices. Some catch walls with dirt or wipe dirt in their hands on walls of people’s homes or offices. Some individuals have tendencies of shouting wherever they are whenever they talk, to attract attention of people around them. Usually such people lack substance in themselves. They are like empty containers which make noise when hit from sides but do not do so when full of water. Some have tendencies of talking too much without considering that others around also have mouths to talk but wisely choose when to do so and when not to. Some dominate talks wherever they are, not giving a chance to others to express their opinions. Some are vulgar or abusive or conflict provoking in their conversations. Some have no regard for the weak and the less fortunate in society. Even some have no regard for the elderly, the sick, children, expectant mothers and the recently bereaved. Some rejoice over the misfortunes of others in their midst. Some are openly non repentant for the bad things they do to others. Likewise, some do evenly openly confess of not being ready to forgive people who do wrong to them. Some walk on streets while eating apples or mangoes or maize or roasted bananas or bread or cakes or sugar or guavas or oranges. The majority of people in Africa South of the Sahara who are adults sit to eat. They do not eat while walking. In case you behave in any of these ways, you are indecent and they are good reasons for people to dislike you. You are not fit to coexist peacefully and happily with people who are decent around you. You have carelessly qualified yourself to fit in the animal kingdom or that of other creatures in which human decency is absent. Therefore the answer lies in you changing your behaviour to decency. In that way only, will people around you gradually stop disliking you. Good Manners Similarly, we are all expected to show good manners in all we do, to be accepted and liked by the people we interact with, work with or live with. Signs of lack of the same include being hot tempered; nagging; being ill hearted; always looking miserable without a smile; backbiting; rumour mongering; not respecting and obeying laws of the country, institutions and organisations; being a sex maniac to the extent of sexually harassing neighbours, workmates, people’s wives, people’s husbands, familiar people’s daughters, familiar people’s sons and even people you travel with. Spitting anywhere unmindful of how the sputum will affect others when they see it or come across it is another sign of lack of good manners. People who do so, go to the extent of spitting in front of others prompting them to vomit or feel like vomiting upon seeing the sputum. Some bad mannered individuals clear their throats and blow their noses full of mucous when seated with others at dinning tables or when near or passing by people eating or drinking something. Lack of good manners in them prevents them to realise that doing so causes people in the process of eating or drinking anything to liken the food or drink they are swallowing to the mucous they have heard being cleared heavily in the other person’s throat or nose. Some people have bad manners of shaking hands with others after wiping mucous from their noses with fingers. Some men even do so after vividly coming from making short calls without washing their hands. Irrespective of gender, some do stretch hands to shake hands with people before washing them after visiting a latrine or toilet. Some do eat things with bare hands without washing them with soap or using a tissue or serviette. Interestingly, some do so in offices, taxes, buses, trains, ships and aeroplanes. It is also a sign of bad manners to chew opening the mouth wide with an irritating, glutton like noise. Similarly, it is bad manners to drink a hot beverage with a wind like noise meant to cool it. Indeed you can avoid being disliked. E-mail: dalemuta@yahoo.co.uk

Lifestyle

Insights : HOW TO OVERCOME BEING DISLIKED