Relationships : Should I propose to him?

“ I will wait for the 28th of February, so that I can propose to him,” said a colleague. Though she joked lightly or not, whether to or not to propose is a centre of confusion for many couples. It takes a brave woman to even suggest a relationship with a man she has adored for ages. A custom-oriented man would run for his life, if a girlfriend proposed to him. In fact most men chicken-out when a woman mentions her true feelings for them. Constant hindrances like cultural beliefs and public opinion minimize the chances of women marrying their perfect rib, as far as their fantasized futures are concerned. In a relationship study, findings show that, “Men are not always in tune with their feelings and need a nudge to let him know that he has found the one.” Relationships are institutions where women are one hundred percent sure of their feelings and future plans while men are not yet certain of how they feel. “Men get so confused and scared when it comes to true feelings. This is why a good percentage of bachelors opt for one night stands or bad girls because we are so uncertain of what a normal principled girl would want from us,” says John Muhire, a Kigali bachelor. And if it takes edges for a man to realize that a woman is suited for him as a wife, s not reason for her to just sit back, relax as her man stands the risk of being taken by a more insistent woman. Is it logical for a woman to propose or to at least suggest marriage or the course of a relationship? Well, it all depends on how one goes about this whole proposal issue. It is true that the, ‘let’s take it to another level,’ slogan from a woman would be misinterpreted or even rejected but, it might be the only way to graduate in a relationship that is stunted. The saying, “a defined woman is one, who uses an indirect approach to get what they want,” is so true. Proposing to a man indirectly will get him to propose to you and, here is how it works. Be sure he is the one for you: Are you certain he is your dream man? Having a good relationship is one thing and being compatible is another. What binds you together? Definetely, people who are meant to be together have at least, a few things in common. What does he think about commitment? Don’t direct about your wish to get married. Listen and listen more to his attitude and dream wife anyway. Do you fall inline with his mystery woman-to-be? If you lack some of the qualities, are they ones that you can work towards achieving? Much as men go for elegance at first site, there some essentials in one’s personality that will helplessly draw them to you. Getting started with the mission: If you are sure that the two of you are compatible, go on. This is a step where many fail. Some start suggesting marriage early enough, and it scares their man away. Meanwhile, others will indirectly say all these needy stories of “how they would look cute with babies, how they would grow old together….” A story is a technique that will show him that you are needy and desperate for a husband, which men hate. A true woman concentrates on strategies that will make her stand out, even in a million competitors. It takes more than sex, nice cooking to get a guy to cling to you, after all there are always hot options. Most fruitful strategies include character and the way one approaches disaster or even rejection. Be around, don’t force things, incase something goes wrong, be the listening type. A visit to the relatives: As your good character draws you closer, suggest an innocent visit to your relatives. Again many women pester boyfriends to introduce them to parents where as the opposite is an indirect sign to show how much you would want to meet Your man’s relatives. Concentrate on the little things: Men are more like babies; you could easily create a routine that they will forever miss about you. It might be that early morning call or a daily text. Incase things get impossible, he will always look back to this and remember how much you used to care, hence running back to you. Appreciate and tolerate more: When he insults you at times, he only wants to be sure you will be patient and love him the way he is. A woman who jumps and argues at every little thing is a nightmare to any man. Be free, open up: Once you open up to him, he will open up to you. This openness will avail the chance to talk about your relationship and its future. Ask the million dollar question: You don’t have to be direct. Ask what he thinks of the relationship and the future. Avoid bringing in other people or even pestering him to take decision. Put it clear that you would take whichever decision he made. At this stage, a real man will either propose or ask for more time. If your relationship is worth waiting, then wait. If you sense that marriage isn’t anywhere in his vocabulary, better chase after your real rib, before it’s too late. lillianean@yahoo.com