For the rescue mission to be a success, I realized that I had to be as meticulous as possible. That is partly why you have not read me the past few Sundays. I had to make a retreat so that I could plan and execute the mission without any setbacks. I also took Tonto KK along because he had to know about the entire plan and if necessary memorize it. Everything went as planned and thanks to me, Tonto KK is now a free man again although he is a bit nervous about undertaking any hunting expeditions right now. He is understandably traumatized. Here is how the plan went. The objective was to stop Tonto KK from entering any matrimonial engagement at any price. Judging by the determination of the bird, we both knew she would even kill someone if that is what it took to have the marriage go through according to her plans. To work against her plans, we had to be equally determined and smarter. We had to work out a foolproof plan that would ensure absolute freedom for Tonto KK. I started by trying to investigate the background of the bird. I started with her close relatives, her parents, sisters, brothers and aunts. During my investigations, I came to learn that none of her sisters is married because the family is perceived to belong to a ‘bad tribe.’ Several men had proposed to them but upon being alerted about the fact, they would disappear for good. Actually the eldest sister had gone through the most embarrassing scenario because she was left at the altar on her wedding day. The man was a Diaspora person who had met her online and proposed. He got a text message at the last minute from a relative who was informed by someone who learnt about the wedding plans despite the fact that the bird’s family had tried to make it as secret as possible. I did not tell Tonto about the issue of the bird being from a ‘bird tribe’ because I feared he would react in a way that would endanger his life. I thought of many plans that would make this wedding ruled them out because I knew that they would not stand up to the bird’s determination to succeed where her sisters had failed. For example I thought of advising Tonto KK to feign madness or pretend to be epileptic. Nothing of the sort would deter her. Tonto even told me he had wet the bed to see whether the bird could tolerate this habit but he was disappointed when she told him she would help him get over it once they stay together as husband and wife! No one can go against the law, whatever the circumstances. That is why I decided to go legal. I asked Tonto if he had a bird who has children and was courageous enough to pretend to be his legal wife. After thinking and jogging his memory, he got excited and gave me a name. The good thing about Dianne was that she lived away from town and therefore there was no way anyone would have identified her if she claimed to be Tonto’s wife. We contacted her and put her in the loop. Our plan was that Tonto takes the bird out at the usual outing joint and order for drinks and play the lover boy like he has never been before. I would ‘accidentally’ spot them as I enter and join them and start inquiring from the bird how the preparations for the wedding were going. At some point, the ‘wife’ would storm the joint and cause a scuffle, accusing Tonto of neglecting the family. Tonto would say nothing and I would ask the ‘wife’ to explain herself because the man she was claiming to be her husband was actually scheduled to get married to the one and only bird before her eyes. She would grab the next bottle and aim for the bird’s skull but I would come to her rescue and wrestle the bottle from the irate ‘wife.’ Why don’t you read me next Sunday to know how things went? See you then. Ends
