Insights : THE SECRET OF HAPPY AND LONG LASTING MARRIAGES

Long lasting marriages do not just happen. They are worked for. They are a result of a deliberate effort by the married to have them last long. Therefore it is mainly all up to you to have a day’s marriage, a week’s marriage, a year’s marriage or a many years’ marriage. The many years’ one is according to God. The shortened one is always caused by the devil. In His great wisdom and love for mankind, God cannot have created man and woman for purposes of using them to produce other human beings on earth, to play His role and yet be the same great God to contradict Himself by shortening their marriages. The culprit is Satan and his forces, not God please. Some people have their marriages cut short because of having given themselves spouses instead of asking or depending on God to give them. With obedience to Him, your marriage is bound to last as long as you are able to play your role properly as husband or wife, or as a father or mother. Marriages will last long, as long as you do four things, namely, the fear of God which means avoiding evil and or wickedness (Proverbs 8:13); discipline which means being humble, well mannered, self controlled, planned and orderly; rational which means being considerate and empathic at all times. The fourth one is personal hygiene and cleanliness which means observing the basic dos and don’ts of properly keeping your home and your body healthy, including that of members of your family.Bear with me, here, to explain the meaning of the fear of God in terms of Christianity. For is is the faith I belong and subscribe to and its principles and values inevitably cut across all forms of life, urging patience for one another, a caring attitude towards life and a repentant, non violent and positive attitude at all times. Since the author of the words I am going to use is God, quoted from the Bible, who happens to be the Creator of heaven and earth, upon whom our lives depend, without exception, bear with me to explain it so. Fearing God does not mean trembling or quivering. It means avoiding being involved in acts of disobeying or defying Him, called sinning. God requires us to avoid living according to the desires of our bodies (Romans 13:14, Galatians 5:16), avoid living according to the standards of this world which disobey God (Romans 12:2), live according to His ways which many of us know though disobey, as our only safe way (Romans 8:4). This is because He requires the whole world to do so (Psalm 33:8). Sinning displeases Him (Romans 8:8) such that a person’s risks His wrath by indulging and delighting in it. On the contrary, fearing God will ensure blessings to us (Psalm 128:1). It will also please Him (Psalm 147:11) and therefore prompt Him to let good things to happen to us. It will also lengthen our life on earth (Proverbs 10:27, Proverbs 19:23).Therefore lack of fear of God shortens the life a person should live on earth, including the life which his/her marriage should last. Unfortunately, some are not even lucky to marry. Some delay doing so. All is under His control therefore worth seeking and obeying for the right marriage, at the right time. In addition to long life, the fear of God also brings wealth and honour (Proverbs 22:4). God will ensure that what He declared or promised in the Scripture happens to us (Numbers 23:19, Deuteronomy 11:26-28). Exercising discipline in marriage calls for decency and humility towards each other instead of stupid pride. By so doing it also facilitates marriages to last long. Talking to each other nicely with love instead of being hateful, rough, sacarstic and abusive is another requirement of discipline. So is the need for respect and consideration for one another, proper role playing in the home as husband or wife or father or mother, being self controlled even when you are very annoyed, being organised such that a home has particular places for keeping particular things and has a routine of doing things at specific times. A good example is times for meals when people in the home sit by the dining table for breakfast, lunch or supper just because it is time and not because anyone has asked them to do so. Time for prayers, time for children to go to bed, time for adults to go to bed, time for dead silence in the home to allow household members to have peaceful sleeps and time to wake up are also other ways of being disciplined. The problem with many homes which easily break, any time is for anything in such homes. Everyone does whatever he/she wants in the name of freedom at the expense of discipline and decency. Of all things mentioned under discipline, you must also exercise self control, to avoid overreacting or behaving like a mad person in the home. You must do so to avoid irreversible regrets by containing your emotions at all times. As already cited above, another factor for long lasting marriages is being rational such that if you are a husband or wife, you must be considerate and empathic, at all times, to your spouse and other family members. You must always consider how you would feel if it were you in anything you do them. Likewise, you must consider what you would have wished them to do to you if you made a mistake similar to what they have done to you. Personal hygiene and cleanliness is another important factor for marriages to last. Cleanliness and neatness of spouses make them attracted to one another always so that they find it convenient to stay with one another for long. On the contrary, a dirty and untidy spouse makes his/her partner ashamed of him/her. Even sharing a bed with him/her looks like a punishment in such home. As a result, the clean and neat spouse finds himself or herself attracted to an outsider who is clean and neat thus causing the marriage to break. Some spouses dare sleep in bed without bathing thus smelling their armpits, other corners and acute angles of their bodies. Some even do so after they have not washed their pants, socks, brassieres, pet cots and the like for days. Some do not wash their hands with soap after visiting the toilet. Some spouses do start eating by catching food utensils and crockery without washing their hands with soap. The fact that all of us shake hands with people everyday who come from different places and may have touched various germs cum bacteria laden things before shaking hands with us, it is good hygiene to wash our hands with soap before touching food utensils and crockery. For the latter are bound to be washed in our kitchen basins or sauce pans. It is also safe to do so before eating anything with hands. No modern spouse will be comfortable with an unhygienic partner. For which reason, it may also cause marriages not to last. In general, the life of your marriage depends on you. E-mail: dalemuta@yahoo.co.uk

Lifestyle

Insights : THE SECRET OF HAPPY AND LONG LASTING MARRIAGES