Dear Aunt Silvia,I am a married woman and a mother of three children. My husband is a pastor and has a church of his own. The problem that I am facing in my marriage is that my husband has a secret. He loves women and his beer; while he preaches water he drinks wine. I feel so bad when we go for prayers I look at him knowing very well that he is deceiving people and above all God. I am so disturbed that I feel like exposing his hideous behaviors so that he can put a stop it. Please help me I am so desperate. Madam M. Dear Madam M,Don’t be cheated by happy faces you see in the streets and think all those people you see smiling are happy in the marriages- some are not but they have learnt to live with their better halves with all their iniquities. No woman of sound mind will ever expose their husbands in public of any wrong doing especially if they still want to live together, unless the man is a wife batterer then he deserves to be a state guest, otherwise you show me which man is an angel here on mother earth. Most people have their short comings and it so happens that your husband likes his drink and women and that should not be the reason for you to wash his dirty linen in public- hallo! You are supposed to protect his image and not destroy it; need I remind you of the marriage vows you took those many years ago when you were at the altar? As much as his habits annoy you, I would rather you talk to him one on one, or if he not listening to your advice, then seek some help from members of your two families, painting a bad picture of your husband in public will not help you, but make you a laughing stock instead. Do you have any idea of what will happen to you if you expose your husband in front of his Christians? Be sure that the entire blame will fall on you. His Christians know him as a man of God while you on the other want to portray him as an evil man, of course a large number of them will make is story of the year and then laugh it off, but few will hold grudge against you for exposing a man they believe in and blame you for his habits. But even with the whole drama going on, can you imagine how people will view you starting from your family members, friends, congregation and the entire society at large? What about your children? Do you want them to be a laughing stock among their peers? Of course not. Your genuine intentions of wanting to help your husband through public exposure will not augur well with many people starting with your husband himself. Many people will end up being hurt, you included. Each house has its own secret despite the position of the man/woman, a person might be a leader of a country or the entire world so to speak- but at the end of the day we are all human and we do have our iniquities, and spouses are there to guard our interests can you imagine what will happen if all women and men alike were to go round washing their public linen in public? If he was a violent and cruel man, then my advice would have been for you to pack your bags and leave him, but drinking and women? Most men love one of these things or both. How you treat him will either help him overcome his weaknesses or sink deeper into them- the ball is in your court. Ends
