Diaspoman : Hair saloons can either be heaven or hell

My God! The hair saloons here in Kigali are out competing each other! I mean, the way you are treated in the Kigali saloons would make any King or Queen very jealous. After the careful haircut, there is the washing of the head – in my case it’s the washing of a bald head. Anyways, the ladies proceed to wash the head and give the very best massage you can ever dream of! That is why it’s not surprising to find grown up men snoring as their heads receive a world class massage! I am one of those serious fans of head massaging. But last week, I was disappointed when a pretty lady massaged my bald head. I was not disappointed by the touch and skills! Instead I was irritated by the terrible odour that emanated from her armpits! I am calling it “odour” out of being respectful. Odour usually relates to the sniff you get from roses and strawberries! But I swear, I almost fainted when the saloon worker persistently passed her armpits over my nostrils. The odour was pungent – really pungent! Thank God it was over and I made my exit like a mad man. This reminded me of a time during the mid 90s, when I visited a church building with a new girlfriend! She had convinced me to visit with her at the church so that I may interact with the pastors and other saved people. Of course, I was pretending to be a born again dude. In fact, I had always wished that I could become a born again but I always failed the test whenever I thought of Béa’s pub at Kiyovu! That is why I joined Aggrey and company to guzzle drinks in the evening and then switch to church the next day. All this in the name of impressing my girlfriend. Now, on that fateful Sunday morning, I picked my new catch and headed straight to church. But on the way, she informed me that she had been invited to another make shift church where praising and worship was electric. I obliged and followed her into this crowded church where music and dancing was in full swing. The congregation was already in high spirits as they sang and rejoiced for the lord. Apparently, my face was very new among the people and the Pastor. That is why I was taken straight to the front bench and treated as a VIP. The Pastor roared out a victorious Alleluia as he introduced me to the crowd. He then asked the congregation to pray for me, a new soul, so that all demons and curses are driven out from me, once and for all. They prayed so hard that the roof almost flew off the building. Then it was that time again for praising. Little had I known that this would be the undoing of my relationship with my chick! I made this decision to abandon my future bride just because of the carbon gas that hit my nose like a pang. You see, the faithful are obliged to wave their hands high in the sky, as they sing praises to Jesus. It was at this point that a strong unpleasant perfume escaped from the Kyana’s armpit, as she waved and thanked the lord for this new day. I decided that this new day would be her minus me. That is why I was seen sprinting away from the makeshift church like Usain Bolt himself. It was with this same kind of perfume that hit me last week as I received a head massage in the saloon. As I write now, I am feverishly searching for another saloon where head massage is not disrupted by unpleasant fumes… diaspoman@yahoo.com