Saving ‘Private’ Tonto KK

As I was telling you before I did the disappearing act, Tonto KK, who, as you all now know, is one of my best friends. And what are friends for? Friends are definitely there to cover each other’s a**es and as I told you the last time you were reading this page, I was planning the biggest bird hunting rescue mission. Tonto KK was in big trouble, as I told you; he had fallen in the claws of a marriage hungry bird. What he had thought would be a hit-and-run bird hunting mission ended up being a challenging marriage –bound relationship and by the time he came to his senses, he could not get out of it. I was his only salvation and I started planning the mission like a real bird hunting strategist commander that I am. After carrying out several reconnaissance missions (I met both of them on three occasions during an outing), I managed to gather enough intelligence that would enable me to carry out my mission. Good planning was necessary to enable me to win the ‘battle’ without encountering any complications. By complications I mean that in these kinds of missions there are high possibilities of the rescuer ending up taking the place of the hostage. I did not want this to happen. I had to plan thoroughly well. From what I had gathered, the bird had started counting her chicks before the eggs were hatched. I learnt that she was organizing a big entourage to the North where she intended to introduce Tonto to her parents as their prospective son-in-law. Tonto KK was not aware of this because this was meant to be a surprise – as if it was supposed to be a pleasant one. Little did the bird know that if there was anything Tonto fears on this planet, it is facing old men and women on matters to do with their daughters. His fears border on phobia. The bird also had started informing close friends and family that there was a very ‘important’ announcement she would make to them soon. Obviously she wanted to inform them about her imminent engagement to Tonto KK and she seemed sure this was going to happen soon. She was moving real fast in order to get everything done with so that she could finally become Mrs. Tonto KK. I had to act fast enough to cope with her speed if I had to save poor Tonto KK. My plan was to try all means to cut short this ill-fated ‘relationship’ before things went legal. By legal I mean going to ‘komine’ where things would get tight for anyone to unwrap. I had to race against time itself. But in order to succeed, I had to work with the ‘stakeholder’ as NGO thugs like to say. I planned with Tonto KK for a couple of days and made sure he understood what was at stake. I told him what I had gathered about the planned trip to the North for introduction to her parents as the main guy and he almost fainted. I told him the bird’s target was to make him a husband and a domesticated one for that matter. This strengthened his resolve to ‘prison-break’ even the more. With a willing patient, the disease is easy to manage. Like soldiers planning an attack on strong fortifications, we went through the plan with much enduring diligence for two days. During this time I advised Tonto KK not to act in any way that could give away our plans. Birds are known to be very intelligent- especially a bird that is up to something like marriage. If she as much as suspected that Tonto KK was planning anything, she would have dragged him to the nearest ‘komine’ to ensure that they are bound together forever. We did not want this to happen – Tonto KK shivered at the mention of it. He played his part well. He would wait for my signal when the right time came. And it came. Let us meet next Sunday – that is if all goes well. Ends