The news in Chile is still dominated by the continued celebratory ululations over the freeing of the trapped miners. Looks like the celebrations were almost cut short for the miners, though, when, in their new-found fame, they showed interest in the presidential palace. My mole in the Chilean capital tells me that instead of the precious presidential paradise, the miners almost headed back to confinement in the catacomb that they left barely two weeks ago! Which is as well because, as our elders have warned us time and again, too much of anything never was good for anybody. As you remember, after their president was through with his lap of honour around Europe in their name, he invited them to his palace. But they had seen how he had been feted by European leaders wherever he went and the fame he had basked in while dishing out souvenir rocks they had picked from their erstwhile tomb. I’m told that after the men had themselves been feted by the president at his palace, they were invited to a game of football. The men, perhaps feeling that he was scavenging on their glory, suggested a bet. The bet: the winning team waltz to the presidential palace while the losing team treks to the underground tomb. One side of 16 was formed by the miners, the other by 16 government leaders together with rescuers of the miners. Alas, the miners’ side lost and the government side won, with their captain scoring most of the goals! And the captain? President Piňera! Goes to show you the morale that a healthy pocket and a sumptuous residence can combine to generate. Shows also that in ‘democracies’ those palaces are not meant for paupers who make a name by surviving while labouring to keep their fat cats well-oiled. Those palaces are not meant for a band of ‘flukers’ who brave the underworld and are winched up only thanks to the good grace of those magnates. President Piňera is a billionaire, you see. So, I wonder what would have happened if the miners had been in poor Rwanda. For one, it would mean that there are no individuals who can afford to contribute so as to hire the complex machinery that can winch up those miners. For another, even if government offered to import the machinery, it would take ages to arrive here. Of course, if the worst came to the worst, government would mobilise the funds and airlift the machinery. That, however, involves unaffordable costs. Drawing examples from two nasty road accidents that took place outside Rwanda, one in Uganda and another in Burundi, Rwanda would organise helicopters that would be waiting at the scene, ready to evacuate the miners the moment they step on the surface. Drawing from other incidents, too, Rwandans would have thronged in from all corners of the country, to sombrely join the miners’ families in suffering the agony of waiting for the rescue of the miners, keeping vigil at the mine. The RDF (Rwanda Defence Forces) would come in to dig a hole that obliquely descends to the spot where the miners are marooned, using any means available to them, and walk them to the surface, to the rapturous jubilation of every Rwandan. The miners would then all be taken to King Faisal Hospital, where they’d be treated free. After getting a clean bill of health, free health insurance and after resting in their different homes, they’d be taken to Village Urugwiro. There, President Kagame would engage them in six hours of a lively debate on how to lead a dignified life of prosperity outside mining, with real-time phone-ins of suggestions on productive projects. The miners would be given start-up funds to buy enough land and equipment/tools for their projects. Banks would avail them credit facilities at 2% interest rate. Each family would be assigned a government expert to advise on the implementation of the project and guide its progress so that the funds are not squandered. Their children would be guaranteed free education up to university. The minister in charge of mines would be hauled to court, together with employees under him and owners of the mines, for not ensuring safety of the mines. If they lost the case, they’d go to prison after paying damages, which’d go into paying for the pain and risk borne by the miners and their families. All miners would tour the world and give their souvenir rocks to whichever leader they choose. The government leaders would concede to defeat in honour of the courage of the miners, even if they proved superior players. On losing the bet, no leader would hesitate to give up their posts and President Kagame would sign the decree for the 33 miners to take up their positions of leadership. The president would advise them to pick one leader among them who would occupy the presidential chair, pending the next elections. As for going to be trapped in the mines, no one in Rwanda would have been so reckless as to include that in the bet! ingina2@yahoo.co.uk
