As I told you last week, Tonto KK is in deep s**t and needed help urgently. To him, my appearance was a sign from the almighty that he was finally going to break out of bondage. His tribulations started when he went hunting one weekend and landed on big game. That day, Tonto went home sure that that had been his best catch in months. Little did he know that he had actually hunted for trouble in the body of a bird because what he had stumbled upon and thought was a gem was actually one of those time-bomb birds – the type that had read a lot of books and listened to too many speeches on ‘bird emancipation’. Like many in her league, Tonto’s catch was one that doesn’t entertain crap from freelance hunters. Immediately she saw Tonto approaching her, she started to make her mental calculations and making plans on how to take him hostage and turn him into a future husband. Without knowing what was waiting for him, Tonto KK went and fell right into the lion’s den. The scheming bird made him look like a champion seducer because she made it so easy for him and excited his hunter’s ego. He unleashed his seduction lyrics until he could unleash no more as the bird urged him on with her laughter. By the end of the meeting, Tonto KK had the impression that the bird would not sleep a wink that night because she would be thinking about him because of his charms. What he did not know is that the bird was actually acting the entire time to make an impression on him so that he gets hooked. And indeed Tonto KK got hooked because when they hugged and kissed goodbye, Tonto proposed that they meet the next day. After making up excuses to try and raise Tonto’s anxiety levels, the bird accepted to meet ‘for a couple of minutes’ the next day. You see, playing hard to get is part of the game for this new breed of birds. When Tonto bounced away and headed ‘somewhere’ to down ‘one for the road,’ he felt like it was months away until the next day. The bird had apparently worked on his mind like a professional. At exactly the agreed time, Tonto was anxiously waiting at the agreed spot. But half an hour later, the bird had not yet appeared, prompting Tonto KK to call her on her mobile phone. Instead of a sweet voice of the bird he had met the previous evening, a deep voiced man answered prompting Tonto to react angrily, asking the fool at the other end of the line where the hell the owner of the phone was. “Relax, she is right here,” the guy said. The bird’s voice then came alive and she told him not to lose patience because she was coming and she ‘would explain everything.’ For the first time Tonto KK felt something burning inside him and he wasn’t sure whether he was feeling jealous or just stupid. She finally appeared with a bag of apologies and excuses. The fact that Tonto felt angry with her assured her that her strategy was working. The guy was getting jealous even before knowing who she really was. She told him that she had had to pick her brother who had just flown in from Belgium. The relief could clearly be seen on Tonto’s face. So that was only her brother! How in the world could he have known that the bird had actually used the guy as a way of playing on his psychology? At the end of the date, Tonto went home feeling that he wanted to meet this bird everyday of the week. The bird had seen this in his eyes and actions and she went home punching the air feeling triumphant. She knew she had taken over his soul and nobody would take him away from her if she continued to manipulate him. After meeting for a couple of days Tonto KK found himself declaring to the bird what his heart felt. The bird had made sure she drove his nerves to the edge and made him almost explode. And explode he did. After declaring his love for her, the bird asked him whether what he felt was genuine. When they parted that evening, she told him to go home and think about it carefully because, according to her, feelings can be deceptive sometimes. Tonto KK wanted to grab her and ask her whether she thought he was crazy but decided to play gentleman and do as she wished. Since he could not wait until the next day, he called her when he was in bed to tell her he had thought about it and had no doubts that what he felt was genuine love. The bird woke up from her bed and poured a glass of wine and tossed to her triumph. When they met the next day, she told him she accepted him as her boyfriend but said she had to set rules governing the relationship and if he did not agree with some of them, the relationship could not continue. Before even knowing what the rules were, he said he was ready to abide by every single one of them. That’s how Tonto KK found himself in bondage living by rules for the first time since he left school. Only that he could not break these ones. I am determined to rescue Tonto KK from this hostage taking bird and I will do it in such a way that both of us emerge winners (I hope you get wharram-saying). See you next Sunday. Ends
