Rwanda Greetings guide

In Rwanda there is no standard handshake or greeting, every greeting means something different according to the parties meeting. A non-Rwandan friend of mine pointed this out to me, when people meet there is a 3-second delay as both parties try to decide what form of greeting to use. If one party goes with a handshake and the other offers a hug then it is a tense standoff to get the other side to your side. You have to calculate “is this person a hugger, or a handshaker?” and “if he is a hugger then what type of hug should I give him?” Full hobera – this is mostly for family or long-lost friends, it is a full embrace with back-slapping. Sometimes the other party might just hold you and not say a word just “hmmmmmmmm!” or “heeeeeeeee” or “yoooooooo.” It is a faux pas to demand a full hobera without the necessary affinity it demands. Head rub – this is the second highest honour in greeting, reserved for respected people of a similar level to you. It is also a way to reconnect with a long-long friend. You approach the other party delicately, tilt your head as if going for a kiss on the cheek but instead you rub your temples together, right then left while holding each other’s elbows, without banging heads. Elbow embrace – this is the next level, it is the safest one to administer without causing offence. You approach the subject and stop at a safe distance and lean in to embrace their elbows in each hand, tilt your head quietly and inquire about the wellbeing of their family. Double handshake – this is when you clasp both hands in a four-hand handshake. Sometimes the person who is more honoured uses both hands or both parties do. Firm handshake – this indicates they are happy to see youLimp handshake – means they are being forced to greet you and would rather not but have to out of decency. There is nothing limper than a fake Rwandan handshake, it is like if you touched ebola mixed with bird flu and herpes. The limpness is accompanied by an insincere smile that even a blind man can detect because it comes with an insincere sigh like “uhhhuh.” Both parties leave looking embarrassed and feeling dirty. Bisous dilemma – due to a large francophone population you sometimes have to follow Gallic etiquette and do the double kiss ladies, and some francophone’s demand three, but Anglophones use one kiss. Then some start with the left and others the right, some are kissed and others kiss you. Sometimes to enter a party and make the mistake of kissing cheeks with the first girl then you have 8 in a row who all use the triple kiss method, your neck will hurt. Then you have the young who greet in many ways, some by jumping at each other and crashing in mid-air basketball-style. Then there is the fist-bumping, high-fiving and pow-powing but my all-time favourite greeting must be the nod. The nod says everything without invading space or being cumbersome, the best friends are the ones you nod with and can say 1,000 words. ramaisibo@hotmail.com