Old Bachelor: The internet hurricane

PART ONE This is the oldest bachelor, south of the Sahara and north of the Limpopo. Oh yes, I can hear the thunderous applause and whoops of joy from my fans; it’s true I’ve taken a while to write but I’ll explain my absence before I let you know about the internet hurricane. You see, each and every article is actually a true, though somewhat embellished, story and I’ve got to do extensive research to keep it fresh. So, I’ve been doing this in 2007, and now I’m BACK! This is what I’m going to do. I’ll try to write down all the rather, uhmm… ‘interesting’...incidents of the past year or so and slowly work up to the present day. D’accord? Well, our country has this thing called ‘Vision 2020. Its mainstay is the availability of Internet connectivity all over the country. I’ve taken this vision to heart in all sincerity. However, I didn’t use the Net to Google the cure for HIV/AIDS or anything clever like that (someone else will have to do that, not the OB). Being the supreme opportunist that I am, I just joined an online community called Hi-5. This is similar to having a bunch of good friends (like me and my crew, the Ugly Munkiz); each one invites a friend into the original cluster. So, all your friends’ friend’s can become your potential friends as well. Well, I signed up, quickly made a network of online friends, and that’s when I saw a picture of one of my friend’s lady pals. The Lord is my witness; my tongue twisted out of joint at the sight of her that when I tried to mumble something like “goodness, she’s absolutely gorgeous”…it came out something like “shaddababa shedibebibi”! Seriously, it looked like these pals were beckoning me to dare write to her and being the alpha male, I did just that promptly. Amazingly, she wrote back. After a few letters back and forth, we moved to Yahoo Messenger, which happened to make things move a bit faster; I hope you catch my drift! Two days later, dressed to the ‘nines’ I got a cab, called her up and got directions to her place. When she got out, that’s when I noticed for the first time that she barely reached my shoulders. My goodness!!, what the Good Lord didn’t give her. He gave her in curves. They were, if I may say so, truly unholy and guaranteed to make the fellow fall into sin! I was swept away and from that moment on, she was known universally as “The Hurricane”. I’ll tell you what happened next Sunday…. The Bachelor is Back! Ends