The Secret of Attraction

It was really going well. She offered you her number without hesitation, and she accepted to meet you for dinner. She found your jokes funny, and you made her laugh several times. You spent the entire evening complimenting her, and she seemed to like the fact that you found her so desirable. You told her you really, really liked her. If someone was to ask you, both of you had a good time. In other words, you are sure you made a nice impression on her, good enough for her to want to be with you again. But then, you call her the next day, and she is busy. She doesn’t answer your texts, and after some time she stops answering your phone calls. Truly baffling and mind boggling, isn’t it? Because she was obviously attracted to you. So, what on earth happened between that magical evening you spent with her, and this time, one week later? What happened to that attraction that you felt radiating from her? The simple truth is; you are to blame. First, you took the liberty to assume that just because she seemed to be having a good time, she was attracted to you. Then also, you thought that because you wanted her to feel attracted to you, she was going to understand those signals. Most of the time, the woman knows you are going to tell her how you feel. She can see it coming, not only because men are very obvious, but also because women have a highly tuned sense of intuition. You really don’t need to tell her that you are attracted to her, she already knows. So, the trick is in how much you can hold back; it will make you appear mysterious and unpredictable. The one mistake we men make is to assume that because what we are doing makes sense to us, it should also make sense to the girls. You see, as strange as it sounds, women don’t like to hear a man go all mushy about her. She likes the mysticism, the aloofness, the carefree non-committal fun. Also, you shouldn’t do nice things for the girl, just because you like her. You can’t change how a woman feels about you by doing nice things for her. You only risk triggering a feeling of repulsion in her. And of course, she might get to like the things you do for her, but not you. Ever wonder why the “bad boys” always get the nicest girls? So, “confessing your love” and “doing nice things” for a woman is never in your best interest. Even if the woman is beginning to have feelings for you, those two actions can only work to kill them. And also, it will dampen her impression of you. You move from being “cool” to being “soggy”. Don’t blame the woman if she starts avoiding you. However, the right mixture of bad-guy and good-guy will get you there. That is what i call the “hot and cold tactic”. You aren’t too detached for the girl to think you aren’t interested in her. But neither are you throwing yourself at her feet. Perfect combination, it’s almost always a winner. Almost, because every girl is different; what works for one will not necessarily work for the other. Your job is to find the right mix of attitudes that will get that girl insanely attracted to you. shemmugisha@gmail.com