From ‘Mummy’s’ girl to ‘a Ghetto Cinderella’

Noticing a “bad boy” is as easy as chewing a banana. A person will identify him the second he enters the room. He has a rhythmic sway to his stride, walking as if the whole world’s a theme song, being played over and over just for him. He’s too confident, kind of aggressive, and really cool, at least in his own mind. Your gut instinct tells you there’s nothing good about him, and no good can come from him, so why are there butterflies dancing in your stomach? You know the answer: You’ve made the fatal mistake of falling for the “bad boy.”On the surface, bad guys appear to be the ultimate ladies’ man: A cool gentleman who knows how to charm a lady. But in reality, most of these men are juvenile, untrustworthy and unpredictable. They shudder at the mere mention of the word “commitment” and are slicker than an eel swimming in a vat of grease. It’s important to understand that “bad boys” are around us, and in our very own circles and that no two “bad boys” are the same. There are various types of “bad boys” on a sequence ranging from the harmless immature bad guy to the dangerous full-blown psycho. Bad boys’ fall under a sequence. Some are men stuck in the junior high school stage who have not learned how to relate to women. They do silly things, but they don’t have intentions of hurting anyone. Extreme bad boys are seriously disturbed sociopaths. They can’t understand anyone’s feelings other than their own, and they will influence, lie and tell women whatever they want to hear to get what they want. These men are dangerous because they can’t connect to anybody emotionally. Bad boys are dangerous in the sense that they are likely to trample a woman’s feelings if she seeks a meaningful relationship. The bad boy defies the kind of conventions the so-called good girl brings to the table, but he’s dangerous because the women who seek out bad boys are not really going to get any relationship satisfaction. With bad boys hiding everywhere, like some sort of twisted franchise, with their reputations preceding them, it’s a wonder that women find them attractive at all. But they do, for various reasons. A good conversation around campus with some she-friends revealed the following. Some women, for example, seek a man who reminds them most of their childhood father-figure. If that male was negative, the woman will more likely be attracted to negative men as an adult. Sometimes women have very bad role models for male relationships, and if a girl grows up having dissatisfying and problematic relationships with men, those are the kinds of men she’s going to seek out as an adult. Other women suffer from low self-esteem and do not feel worthwhile unless they have a man in their life, and any man good or bad will do. Some women feel they need a man to prove to the world that they’re worth something. If they don’t have a boyfriend, then they don’t count. Bad men sense these women, and they know that they will put up with their bad behavior. Still other women tend to fall into the superwoman trap, mistakenly minimizing the badness of the man’s behavior and believing that he can be changed or redeemed by their good love. But as it has so often happened, it ends up as a wishful thinking. In many cases, the law of opposites attract applies for the good girls who crave a little excitement in their lives and who feel that the bad guys are the only ones who can satisfy them. These good girls who have done all the right things for the majority of their lives, are seeking a taste of the wild life without compromising their own sense of goodness. In fact, these women are attempting to live vicariously through the socially unacceptable behaviors of their men. A good girl is a woman who has followed the rules all of her life; she’s been taught to go along with the status of what everyone else thinks she should do, be and want. These women have not had an opportunity to be who they are, so they are attracted to the men who rebel against the rules, and they live vicariously through them. Women who have spent their entire lives pleasing others are more likely to be attracted to bad guys. Being a good girl means you’ve had to forego a lot of your natural instincts, all in the interest of being good. Therefore,with a bad boy you can get the pleasure and excitement with someone who hasn’t foregone his instincts, all while maintaining your image of being good. Don’t think for a minute that bad boys don’t recognize the benefits of being bad. These days, bad guys are glamorized and that many men are jumping on the bad boy bandwagon, establishing themselves on the ladies’ Most Wanted List. Much of the negative things that were not glamorized a few years ago are glamorized today; “I think some of the worst people in the world are placed on a pedestal”, says DJ ‘black’ of Satelite club. “The bad boy is aggressive, and if there’s something I want to achieve, I’m not going to let anybody get in my way. Women want the bad guys for the excitement, the thrill and the risk factor of getting involved. It’s different, and some women just want a challenge.” “DJ ‘black’” adds that he hasn’t had many long-lasting relationships due to his job that requires him to work all night during the week and host dance parties on weekends and he isn’t fazed one bit. With such a schedule, the good girls love the thrill. Constant partying and being around bad boys. It’s a common tale these days to find a well raised up daughter jumping over the fence to go hang with the ‘baddest’ guy on the street. And by the way, however much her parents scream, she will not be fazed for even a second. All this is because, today’s culture shows men that it’s okay to be hard or cool, so some guys put on a cool act to make it seem like they’re bad, because most often it’s bad guys and players who get all the women anyway. Sometimes bad boys are truly bad, but most often they are just vulnerable men wearing a mask of masculinity and aggressiveness to attract women. When it comes to love and sex, all the world’s a stage, and both men and women are role-playing. The bad boy and good girl image is nothing more than an act of ‘dancing’ to the rhythm. I think guys always want to be bad and the badder the better because women often look for men with that kind of cutting edge. But when people put on masks of success or desirability, they start to play games. It’s a dance, and both men and women do it; while men are playing bad, women are playing lean and mean, not too smart, or hard to get. Men and women have a range of ways to attract and engage one another. Sometimes it can be fun; sometimes it can be painful and destructive. Whatever the attraction between good girls and the bad boys, one rule rings true, ultimately, bad guys can only produce bad relationships. And women who prefer the bad boys are only setting themselves up to be hurt.A bad boy is a man who doesn’t think through all of the ramifications of his actions. He does things because they’re fun and daring and he can get away with it. The relationship with the bad boy will be something that’s going to disappoint the woman in the long run, because these men will not be attentive to her needs. Some women view bad boys as fixable as a frog that can be transformed into Prince Charming with just the right kiss. But let’s face it; most bad boys are players who feel that members of the opposite sex are nothing more than a joyride, conquest, or, in the worst case, a new addition to his existing stable of women. According to the different girls I tried talking to, they maintained that bad boys differ. There are ‘Players’. For these men they live to conquer women. They need to define themselves as an attractive, irresistible ladies’ man to feel worthwhile. They like attracting a woman and then winning her over, sexually. After the woman submits, he disappears. Then there is ‘The adult stuck in a teenagers’ mind’. Believe it or not, some men resort to the same antics they used in high school to get attention from women. They are harmless for the most part, and they need to be pampered and mothered. He is also a firm believer in throwing a tantrum if he doesn’t get his way. There are men who get their thrills from hurting women intentionally. His testosterone level usually rages in overdrive because he must constantly attract women, and women must constantly be attracted to him. He is a typical womanizer who has no total lack of respect for his woman and he may humiliate his woman in public just to show off. He is emotionally unavailable and he cares about no one but himself; he also has no concept of right or wrong and is completely irresponsible. The other group is of men who love to mix business with pleasure. While he’s stealing your heart, he’s also stealing your loot. His general targets range from working-class women to women of independent means and his calling card is to create opportunities to manage your money. They busy themselves taking care of the careers of their women, but they don’t have a real job. When the money runs out, he’s gone. Finally, there is the fighter. The fighting man has to demonstrate his power or frustration with his muscles. He has an unusual desire to be in control, often at the cost of belittling the woman. In extreme cases, he is physically abusive. So, am not telling women not to hook up with bad boys because some bad boys have changed. Its okay for women to want a bad man, if women truly understand the definition of what a bad man is: A genuine bad guy is a guy who can listen to his woman, who can support her aspirations and who respects where she’s coming from. Any woman who feels that she needs to change somebody has already got the wrong person. Find a man whom you don’t feel like you have to change. Find somebody who brings out the best in you; instead of the worst in you, and then you’ve got yourself a bad dude. jeav202@yahoo.com

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From ‘Mummy’s’ girl to ‘a Ghetto Cinderella’