Dear Aunt Silvia,I am a young lady and have been in a relationship with a man for over 12 years and we have one child together. He recently proposed marriage, even though for the past eight years we have been living in different countries, he visits us once in every month. Last month when I went to visit him I found out that he has been dating a long time friend whom I introduced. I found very intimate messages in his phone, yet this very girl is a married woman and a mother of three. What should I do? Should I go ahead with the marriage or should I take a hike before I commit myself to a cheat.Linda Dear Linda,Long distance relationships always end up in heart breaks for obvious reasons that we both know about. To live away from your man for eight years and get to meet only once a month is a very tall order. But you also know that very few men can resist the temptation of living away from their partners this long and also get to only meet once a month and then later propose marriage. I find this man as a very serious man, with of course the flaw that most of us have- the temptation of getting a side person who can serve the lust while our real partners are away. In this time and age, I take cheating as a very serious offence because it comes with all shapes and sizes of all manner of sicknesses. One thing for sure, if this man was not in love with you he would not have waited all this long for you, not forgetting the fact that you live a hundred of miles apart. But since you have found out about his cheating habit, I suggest you talk to him and get to hear his side of the story. You never know what tempted him to be in a relationship with this particular friend, unless he tells you himself. This is a man whom you are planning to spend the rest of your life with, you can not afford living with a man who will be lifting the skirts of every friend whom you introduce to. If he is remorseful and regrets his actions, I advice you to go for tests just in case the woman left unwanted baggage in your husband’s health , that he too is not aware of. Once you have been given a clean bill of health, find it in your heart to forgive him. Forget the past and plan for your future. As for your married friend I suggest that you go and talk to her and give her a very good warning, and tell her that if she continues to have an affair with your husband, then you will have no choice but to inform her husband about her extra curricular activities she is engaged in behind his back. Remind her that she lives in a glass house, so let her not attempt throw stones at you, for when you throw back at her, then her house will come crumbling before her eyes. In the meantime don’t just throw all what you have built all these years just like that without trying to solve the problem first. Otherwise the ball is in your court girl and do all what you can to protect and save your relationship if it is worth the fight. Ends
